Stage fright is one of the most stressful most irrating problem anyone can have. It's extremely common but it can tend to get out of control on big events like a roller derby bout!
It usually starts for me a few nights before haunts you like a never ending nightmare, and the closer the game gets the more nervous and scared I become. Sweaty palms, Hypervenalating, crying and sometimes throwing up due to fear. It happens every time before a game. I have to isolate myself from the crowd and even my own team and go outside cry and just stay as positive as I can and just do what I'm there to do. After the first time around on the skating floor, the fear disapears slowly.
Noone can believe this stage fright that comes around before every game, cause I'm known to be in front of a crowd since i was a kid due to figure skating and talking on the mic when DJing at the rink. I'm not sure why it comes about but I think its just pressure that builds up and takes control over me. I think sometimes people expect me to just be number one and it pressures me cause all I want to do is skate and do as good as I can do. My roller derby number is 101 due to always putting a 101% into what you do, no matter what you can't ever give up. I save as many falls as I can, I get up the second I hit the floor. People find it pretty humerous as how I just jump off the floor like a frog after getting slammed into it. A lot of times I'll do spead eagles, where I put my legs facing ankle to ankle and then I turn around in a circle, and it avoids a lot of my falls. I can't cross pull the whole time on the corner parts cause the tracks too small for the speed I go and I usually slam into a wall.
Before a game during my anxiety I plot down some gameplans in my mind. Like who on my team I feel more confortable to create walls with, or to do a whip for me, who has my back throughout the entire game. I use everyone on my team but there's always that one person that can just swing you and you fly in full speed!
My captain brings bananas before a game, due to it preventing cramps and we have and drink lots of water along with gaterade. After each round I jam I have to immediatly sit down and drink water. A lot of girls will stand due to them not relaxing the muscles but I reallly have to sit and I watch the game. I kinda see the techniques of skaters on the other team and I see weaknessess and strongness between each skater and I love just taking advantage and showing their weaknesses during my part of the game.
After the games over you either feel amazing about how you did or you feel like you could've done better or you should've done this but you will always leave with the pride and courage of doing what you needed to do during that entire game. You never ever know what's gonna happen, you don't know how many people are gonna get hurt and out of the game where you have to skate during each round, it happens and it's frusterating, it's completly tiring but that's what endurance during practice is suppose to pay off. You should skate like you would during a game during every practice. I tend to see a lot of girls take easy at practice and then go all out during a game, and that's how you can get hurt. Your body is not use to all the work your putting into one hour and your basically beating yourself up. So word of advise for those who tend to get super tired during the game, you should practice as if it's a game.
So if you feel like it's not normal to get stage fright or even a little bit nervous, every girl on the team is nervous, some just have more of an issue with it you just gotta learn how to deal with it and stay positive.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Butterflies
i had a bit of an anxiety attack before our last bout.
i've been co-ordinating our bouts since the second one SSRG put on. i thought it would be heaps of fun because i really liked throwing parties. now i look back at that niave young thing and laugh. oh how i laugh!
i would pretty much excuse myself from all social occasions and niceties in the week leading up to bout day, adding more things to lists each day than ever seemed to get crossed off of them.
i learnt a lot of things over my time in this role. for instance, certain types of jacks only give two channels of sound out of an iPod if you wiggle it out just a teensy bit and then tape it to the desk and then no one can touch it!!! never rent PA systems from a friend of a friend, because you can get it for cheap, unless you really like the idea of the freak out an hour before doors
open, because the system is so ancient that none of the band's leads actually fit the connections. lists are that honest friend who comes clean and tells you not to
leave the house in what you're wearng because it actually makes you look their mum when they were 10, and not the hot 80's revival Madonna look you are going for at all - that friend is telling you the truth because they care and you need to listen to them and do what they say.
most importantly, the best way to get lots of things done is to get other people to do them and the sooner you learn this one the easier your life will be.
don't get me wrong, the feeling of sorting out an adequate sound system, everything happening reasonably on time, finally crossing that last thing off the list and coming out the other end of another freekin rad night thinking "whatever that was that just happened, i liked it" is well worth it.
a year ago when i was so overwhelmed with everything i was trying to get done that i was stapling programs or fixing uniforms or writing runsheets the night before a bout, i'd turn up to the venue hyperventilating and not put down the paper bag until i was warming up, but things are different now, i'm more organised, i delegate, i know how long setup takes and how to handle things that go wrong (breathe).
so when i found myself relaxing with a coffee on a bout day morning, a highly unusual circumstance, i had time to actually think realistically about the coming night:
my team, the Golden Roughs had just lost 2 games in a row.
injuries had taken out a couple of our best jammers.
several girls we'd been training with for the last couple of months weren't cleared for bouting, so we were borrowing players who had taken part in a total of one training session with the team.
that night i was going to get up in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people, in my underwear, wearing roller skates and have the crap beaten out of me while people screamed encouragement and took photos under harsh lighting.
i did not feel like the nubile, young filly, athletic thighs bursting with endorphins that one should in such circumstances.
now when i say i had time to relax, i had time to have a coffee and then i really had to go get some stuff done. i knew i had to go, but my bodies reaction of not moving, reflected that quite clearly, i didn't want to leave the coffee shop. i sat there for quite some time just sort of mumbling to myself about not wanting to leave, not needing to leave...ever, not wanting to leave, tapping insanely on the table and bouncing my leg like it was getting me points in Space Invaders. i wish i was exaggerating.
i got out of there eventually, i went home and, although i didn't really have time for it, removed all unwanted hair from my body and for some reason that made me feel better. i went on my merry way, got to the Arena a bit late, everything was being taken care of, i remained calm, directed my team that they new what they had to do and that they could do so competently, we won the game and in doing so, the season. hurrah!
i really have never minded not thinking about actually playing until everything has been taken care of for the night, doors are open, band is playing and we're warming up. as far as i am concerned, if i am not prepared athletically or strategically on bout day, there is nothing that can be done at that stage...except for lament not doing more cardio, drinking less beers and stretching properly after every training session...i like being occupied with more immediate concerns all day to take my mind off these things, there is no time to get nervous, freeze up in coffee shops or spend hours waxing it up like i'm Jenna Jameson getting ready for an important job interview.
this year is going to be different for me. although there is so much more to do, with bouts having become so much bigger, more complex and the crowds more demanding, than back when we were getting 300 punters along, troops have been rallied, it's all been done before and i don't have so much to worry about. i've left my post as captain after a year of making sure 14 other women are taken care of before myself and i don't even have a car anymore so someone else will be driving me to bouts (right team?).
in times of stress over the years i would whinge to myself "why can't i just turn up and skate like everybody else?!". now, several weeks out from our first bout for the year, i'm sitting wondering how the hell i'm going to survive bout day when all i have to think about is my own athletic performance.
i've been co-ordinating our bouts since the second one SSRG put on. i thought it would be heaps of fun because i really liked throwing parties. now i look back at that niave young thing and laugh. oh how i laugh!
i would pretty much excuse myself from all social occasions and niceties in the week leading up to bout day, adding more things to lists each day than ever seemed to get crossed off of them.
i learnt a lot of things over my time in this role. for instance, certain types of jacks only give two channels of sound out of an iPod if you wiggle it out just a teensy bit and then tape it to the desk and then no one can touch it!!! never rent PA systems from a friend of a friend, because you can get it for cheap, unless you really like the idea of the freak out an hour before doors
open, because the system is so ancient that none of the band's leads actually fit the connections. lists are that honest friend who comes clean and tells you not to
leave the house in what you're wearng because it actually makes you look their mum when they were 10, and not the hot 80's revival Madonna look you are going for at all - that friend is telling you the truth because they care and you need to listen to them and do what they say.
most importantly, the best way to get lots of things done is to get other people to do them and the sooner you learn this one the easier your life will be.
don't get me wrong, the feeling of sorting out an adequate sound system, everything happening reasonably on time, finally crossing that last thing off the list and coming out the other end of another freekin rad night thinking "whatever that was that just happened, i liked it" is well worth it.
a year ago when i was so overwhelmed with everything i was trying to get done that i was stapling programs or fixing uniforms or writing runsheets the night before a bout, i'd turn up to the venue hyperventilating and not put down the paper bag until i was warming up, but things are different now, i'm more organised, i delegate, i know how long setup takes and how to handle things that go wrong (breathe).
so when i found myself relaxing with a coffee on a bout day morning, a highly unusual circumstance, i had time to actually think realistically about the coming night:
my team, the Golden Roughs had just lost 2 games in a row.
injuries had taken out a couple of our best jammers.
several girls we'd been training with for the last couple of months weren't cleared for bouting, so we were borrowing players who had taken part in a total of one training session with the team.
that night i was going to get up in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people, in my underwear, wearing roller skates and have the crap beaten out of me while people screamed encouragement and took photos under harsh lighting.
i did not feel like the nubile, young filly, athletic thighs bursting with endorphins that one should in such circumstances.
now when i say i had time to relax, i had time to have a coffee and then i really had to go get some stuff done. i knew i had to go, but my bodies reaction of not moving, reflected that quite clearly, i didn't want to leave the coffee shop. i sat there for quite some time just sort of mumbling to myself about not wanting to leave, not needing to leave...ever, not wanting to leave, tapping insanely on the table and bouncing my leg like it was getting me points in Space Invaders. i wish i was exaggerating.
i got out of there eventually, i went home and, although i didn't really have time for it, removed all unwanted hair from my body and for some reason that made me feel better. i went on my merry way, got to the Arena a bit late, everything was being taken care of, i remained calm, directed my team that they new what they had to do and that they could do so competently, we won the game and in doing so, the season. hurrah!
i really have never minded not thinking about actually playing until everything has been taken care of for the night, doors are open, band is playing and we're warming up. as far as i am concerned, if i am not prepared athletically or strategically on bout day, there is nothing that can be done at that stage...except for lament not doing more cardio, drinking less beers and stretching properly after every training session...i like being occupied with more immediate concerns all day to take my mind off these things, there is no time to get nervous, freeze up in coffee shops or spend hours waxing it up like i'm Jenna Jameson getting ready for an important job interview.
this year is going to be different for me. although there is so much more to do, with bouts having become so much bigger, more complex and the crowds more demanding, than back when we were getting 300 punters along, troops have been rallied, it's all been done before and i don't have so much to worry about. i've left my post as captain after a year of making sure 14 other women are taken care of before myself and i don't even have a car anymore so someone else will be driving me to bouts (right team?).
in times of stress over the years i would whinge to myself "why can't i just turn up and skate like everybody else?!". now, several weeks out from our first bout for the year, i'm sitting wondering how the hell i'm going to survive bout day when all i have to think about is my own athletic performance.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Prepare for Destructo!
So we actually just had a bout this past Friday the 22nd. It was knarly! We joined forces with the San Diego Renegade RollerGirls who rocked the rink with us! We packed into a 15-passenger van and headed out to Arizona for the season opener. We actually didn't have much prep as far as practice for the bout because unfortunately, we have an outdoor rink and we got rained out almost the entire time but boy were the girls ready for what came! but we are such a close team that the preparation just comes naturally and when we bout some of us are so used to working together that we are in tune with eachothers moves that sometimes its seems like we talked it over for days and days when in reality, it only took a look at eachother to know what we needed done. I like to call it "DSP" - Derby Sensory Perception.
I remember the first bout we did that I was in was a home bout and actually ended up being a big event, with jumpers and vendors...it was a scalding hot summer day in June, I thought I was cool with my red eyeshadow but that shit melted right off! lol. We were so pumped though and it was an amazing to experience our first victory! but that "DSP" wasn't quite there yet.
We always have the support from eachother before a game and the support of our coach. I think the best part is that we do it together as a team and everyone pulls together and gets it done. Before bouts, no matter what or who we believe in, we like to say a little prayer for all the women on the rink, because getting hurt is no fun and fun is why we do this in the first place. Although, a sweet ass bruise on the thigh or arm or bad case of rink rash never hurt anyone lol.
In preparation, we try to get as much skills down as possible, we we learn from our mistakes and we learn from other the other teams as we have only been a team for a little over a year now but we have come very far from where we were when we started. We like to get a lot of practice in and work on endurance, and just be together and enjoy eachothers company AND OF COURSE EAT!!!! EAT EAT EAT!
In conclusion...preparation is one of the main ingredients to a great result, and sometimes over-preparing only hightens your expectations and I don't like to be disapointed, so I like to find a happy medium.
Well, that's all I got for today...tune in next Tuesday for my blog and the week isn't over so check out the other blogs from the other awesome ladies of derby.
ALSO!Check out www.renegaderollerssocal.com for more info on our team or be our friend on myspace www.myspace.com/rrgsocal, if you're looking for a team to join or whateva :)
-Destucto Dolly
I remember the first bout we did that I was in was a home bout and actually ended up being a big event, with jumpers and vendors...it was a scalding hot summer day in June, I thought I was cool with my red eyeshadow but that shit melted right off! lol. We were so pumped though and it was an amazing to experience our first victory! but that "DSP" wasn't quite there yet.
We always have the support from eachother before a game and the support of our coach. I think the best part is that we do it together as a team and everyone pulls together and gets it done. Before bouts, no matter what or who we believe in, we like to say a little prayer for all the women on the rink, because getting hurt is no fun and fun is why we do this in the first place. Although, a sweet ass bruise on the thigh or arm or bad case of rink rash never hurt anyone lol.
In preparation, we try to get as much skills down as possible, we we learn from our mistakes and we learn from other the other teams as we have only been a team for a little over a year now but we have come very far from where we were when we started. We like to get a lot of practice in and work on endurance, and just be together and enjoy eachothers company AND OF COURSE EAT!!!! EAT EAT EAT!
In conclusion...preparation is one of the main ingredients to a great result, and sometimes over-preparing only hightens your expectations and I don't like to be disapointed, so I like to find a happy medium.
Well, that's all I got for today...tune in next Tuesday for my blog and the week isn't over so check out the other blogs from the other awesome ladies of derby.
ALSO!Check out www.renegaderollerssocal.com for more info on our team or be our friend on myspace www.myspace.com/rrgsocal, if you're looking for a team to join or whateva :)
-Destucto Dolly
Monday, January 25, 2010
Behind the Scenes!!!!
Women ran and women owned..........Like any other type of entertainment comes massive responsibility........Not only do we have to be responsible on representing Roller Derby in a professional matter...........We deal with all the "matter" that makes us professionals.........We are like no other sport out there.........Self sufficiant in every way........We go to work..........Attend to our families...........Make it to practice...........Go to our meetings........We train..........We teach...........Try not to preach........or complain.........because theres no room for all that in this game.......We are more than jugglers ..........atleast jugglers get paid.........alot of us do this without any personal gain..($$$)........We do it because we love it...........Love the pain.....with out pain theres no gain and Roller Derby is no exception to this rule..........
I have been in this sport for over 4 years now..........I've played with teams up and down the midwest........Different teams.......Same issues........I have been lucky enough to be a part of FMDG's first season.........Right now we are averaging 1700 people strong...... Sold out the civic center not once but twice.....Working hard on our 3rd (Febuary 6th, Civic Center, Fargo, North Dakota)..By far the most successful Organization Ive been able to be a part of.........
With this massive amount of success........Comes massive amout of sacrifices ........
Putting on a bout is nothing less than easy......Infact if you think about it........ Nothing about being a Roller-Girl is easy.........But where there is a will there is a way..........And if there are 30 wills well then there are 30 ways..........It just depends on how big you want to make an impression.........Fans see a finished product.........The bout itself.........What you dont realize is we dont pay our people to be there..........We dont pay our events cordinators shes your fifth grade teacher..........We dont pay anyone on the Board of Directors its there love that gets us here........
Behind the scenes we deal with the DJ's the photographers.......Press passes to the face painters......EMT's to the chiropractors....... The cancelations, trails, and tribulations........Last minute phone calls........More security.......Some one to man the merchandise booth........Cant forget about the "Ask Me" girls.......The announcers.........The ticket takers......What band is playing..........What half time show..........Racing from interview after interview........Trying to keep our Zebras (officials) happy...........Putting up poster after poster.......Have you got your tickets yet????????Insurance on skaters.........Signing the final contract for the Venue..........Dealing with the haters while trying to deligate 50 skaters...........Whos on the final roster........Managing the volunteers.........Setting up the track..........Whos taking it down.........Clean up crews...........Hello where is the BLACK SHARPIE fool ........Keeping our sponsers happy.........On skate promoting........Off skate mingling.......What are we gonna give our fans this time around............And thats just the questions that run through our heads on the day of..............First aid kits..........Water .........Ice packs.........Last but not least..........Where is the after party at..........
From the trama to the drama a true Roller-Girl rises to every occasion.......A Roller-Girl never gets enough nor does she give up.........A Roller-Girls job is never done.........Roller-Girls of the world.........My fellow sisters give yourself a hand........until we meet again have a shot on me........
A successful bout can only be attained if and when everyone is on the same page..........Not the same chapter.........It is a very delicate procedure........It takes a village to raise a league......From the vets to the fresh meat.......The trainers to the referees........The volunteers to the support of our loved ones......Not to mention our fans........Everyone is equaly important........It truly is a beautiful thing.......with this beauty comes massive effort..........I just want to thank everyone who is involved in making this process a reality..........
With team work determination mixed with a little persistance I believe anything can be accomplised.........
SPECIAL THANKS TO FARGO MOOREHEAD AREA FOR MAKING OUR JOURNEY TO THE TOP MEMORABLE..........
Much Derby Love
Karma
I have been in this sport for over 4 years now..........I've played with teams up and down the midwest........Different teams.......Same issues........I have been lucky enough to be a part of FMDG's first season.........Right now we are averaging 1700 people strong...... Sold out the civic center not once but twice.....Working hard on our 3rd (Febuary 6th, Civic Center, Fargo, North Dakota)..By far the most successful Organization Ive been able to be a part of.........
With this massive amount of success........Comes massive amout of sacrifices ........
Putting on a bout is nothing less than easy......Infact if you think about it........ Nothing about being a Roller-Girl is easy.........But where there is a will there is a way..........And if there are 30 wills well then there are 30 ways..........It just depends on how big you want to make an impression.........Fans see a finished product.........The bout itself.........What you dont realize is we dont pay our people to be there..........We dont pay our events cordinators shes your fifth grade teacher..........We dont pay anyone on the Board of Directors its there love that gets us here........
Behind the scenes we deal with the DJ's the photographers.......Press passes to the face painters......EMT's to the chiropractors....... The cancelations, trails, and tribulations........Last minute phone calls........More security.......Some one to man the merchandise booth........Cant forget about the "Ask Me" girls.......The announcers.........The ticket takers......What band is playing..........What half time show..........Racing from interview after interview........Trying to keep our Zebras (officials) happy...........Putting up poster after poster.......Have you got your tickets yet????????Insurance on skaters.........Signing the final contract for the Venue..........Dealing with the haters while trying to deligate 50 skaters...........Whos on the final roster........Managing the volunteers.........Setting up the track..........Whos taking it down.........Clean up crews...........Hello where is the BLACK SHARPIE fool ........Keeping our sponsers happy.........On skate promoting........Off skate mingling.......What are we gonna give our fans this time around............And thats just the questions that run through our heads on the day of..............First aid kits..........Water .........Ice packs.........Last but not least..........Where is the after party at..........
From the trama to the drama a true Roller-Girl rises to every occasion.......A Roller-Girl never gets enough nor does she give up.........A Roller-Girls job is never done.........Roller-Girls of the world.........My fellow sisters give yourself a hand........until we meet again have a shot on me........
A successful bout can only be attained if and when everyone is on the same page..........Not the same chapter.........It is a very delicate procedure........It takes a village to raise a league......From the vets to the fresh meat.......The trainers to the referees........The volunteers to the support of our loved ones......Not to mention our fans........Everyone is equaly important........It truly is a beautiful thing.......with this beauty comes massive effort..........I just want to thank everyone who is involved in making this process a reality..........
With team work determination mixed with a little persistance I believe anything can be accomplised.........
SPECIAL THANKS TO FARGO MOOREHEAD AREA FOR MAKING OUR JOURNEY TO THE TOP MEMORABLE..........
Much Derby Love
Karma
Friday, January 22, 2010
It's not about the size of the person, It;s about the size of their heart they put into their passion
Roller derby in my eyes is a team sport with a bunch of girls who were always known as aggressive, tattoos, colored hair, the one's that you can spot out a mile away in highschool. I have the aggression but when it comes down to my outer image most people don't believe me when I say I'm a roller derby girl.
They call me The Dude. I'm only 5'0 tall and weigh probably about 113lbs...in other words I'm tiny. I'm not covered in tattoos and my hair was always Blonde or brown. I was always into punk rock music, going to shows, and moshing in the pit. I'm an aggressive girl with a lot of adrenaline pupping through. I have a lot of anger issues from the past but then again most of us do.
I started roller skating at the age of like 4. My family and I went roller skating at fountain valley and at the age of 4, I couldn't stand up on skates to save my life. I was girly girl growing up. If it wasn't a dress I wouldn't wear it. I was into barbies and whole disney princess themes. My mom started putting me in rollerskating classes on saturday mornings and for some reason I wouldn't ever leave the floor I'd skate the group class and move up quitly to the next upper level and then I'd skate the entire session from like 12pm-4pm. I started getting pretty good and my mom put me into private lessons and then I started artistic roller figure skating and did competitions. I was so into it. I did dance, freestyle (jumps and spins), Figures (tracing the circles), to pairs, to team dance, to creative solo, you name it I did it. We'd travel to fresno once a year did regionals and then go to nations everywhere where it was somewhere in Florida or Nebraska. My highschool schedule was insane. About 3 times a week I'd wake up at 4:30 in the morning go to the rollerskating rink, have a lesson and practice from 5am-7am, then go to school then straight from school I'd go right to the rink skate from 3:30-6:30 and forced my mom to let me stay from session from 6:30-8:30 and sometimes have a lesson from 8:30pm-10:30pm and due it all over the next day. I didn't like highschool too much and never went to parties and didn't really have friends, I didn't have time nor really understood the people at my school.
Towards 16 years old I kinda got sick of figure skating. Coaches were all about winning, winning winning, I was just in it for the sport and passion and if I didn't take first place I got a pretty mean lecture that left me in tears, So finally I quit and got into jam skating (break dancing/hip hop dancing on skates) at like 17 years old. When I was about 18 years old my figure skating coach started up a roller derby team and it was 18+. It had all the local session skaters in it so i gave it a shot. There were A LOT of girls on the team and I quit that team after 2 months due to the girls being competetive and it didn't feel like a team sport to me, I felt like i was competing my own team.
The team split up and later on 5 girls formed a new team called The Renegade Rollergirls OC. I worked at the roller rink and did clean up everytime they came in. I was really cool with the captain who was on the last team before split up and me and her were always cool. Well Somehow I got talked into practicing with them one night and next thing you know. Im The Dude #101 on the renegade rollergirls.
So being a nobody turned into me being a rollergirl, The dude. It felt amazing cause I have more balance on my rollerskates then I do on my 2 feet due to all the effort and time with my figure skating. Derby in my eyes really helped me out. I stick up for myself now. I have friends, and People don't doubt me anymore cause of my size. My mosh pitting days just feels like roller derby but with rollerskates on, the way I feel in that pit-freedom, strongness, like you feel good, it's exactly how I feel when I'm on that floor during derby.
It doesn't matter on how big you are, how strong you are, how tatted up you are, it matters on how much heart and effort you put into it.
I hope a lot of girls who are scared of the sport cause its known for the aggressive stronger woman step up and work hard to just do it. My image of me on that rink I hope encourage those to just do it. You want it, then go do it. It takes a thousand practices, a thousand falls, to get where you need to be. But there's never a word as perfect, no matter how good you are you always need to practice, you always have to put more and more effort each time. There's no such thing as the word Can't, I think I can is all that you can really tell yourself.
For first time I have a team that is just unbelievably talented, sincere, strong, caring, and they all do it with heart. Roller derby is a tough sport, its scary, you never know what's gonna happen till it's done and your already on the ground. Don't ever give up you fall you get back up and keep going till that whistle blows. I am a rollergirl, I'll always be a rollergirl. I'm the dude #101, and I'll always be the dude #101.
They call me The Dude. I'm only 5'0 tall and weigh probably about 113lbs...in other words I'm tiny. I'm not covered in tattoos and my hair was always Blonde or brown. I was always into punk rock music, going to shows, and moshing in the pit. I'm an aggressive girl with a lot of adrenaline pupping through. I have a lot of anger issues from the past but then again most of us do.
I started roller skating at the age of like 4. My family and I went roller skating at fountain valley and at the age of 4, I couldn't stand up on skates to save my life. I was girly girl growing up. If it wasn't a dress I wouldn't wear it. I was into barbies and whole disney princess themes. My mom started putting me in rollerskating classes on saturday mornings and for some reason I wouldn't ever leave the floor I'd skate the group class and move up quitly to the next upper level and then I'd skate the entire session from like 12pm-4pm. I started getting pretty good and my mom put me into private lessons and then I started artistic roller figure skating and did competitions. I was so into it. I did dance, freestyle (jumps and spins), Figures (tracing the circles), to pairs, to team dance, to creative solo, you name it I did it. We'd travel to fresno once a year did regionals and then go to nations everywhere where it was somewhere in Florida or Nebraska. My highschool schedule was insane. About 3 times a week I'd wake up at 4:30 in the morning go to the rollerskating rink, have a lesson and practice from 5am-7am, then go to school then straight from school I'd go right to the rink skate from 3:30-6:30 and forced my mom to let me stay from session from 6:30-8:30 and sometimes have a lesson from 8:30pm-10:30pm and due it all over the next day. I didn't like highschool too much and never went to parties and didn't really have friends, I didn't have time nor really understood the people at my school.
Towards 16 years old I kinda got sick of figure skating. Coaches were all about winning, winning winning, I was just in it for the sport and passion and if I didn't take first place I got a pretty mean lecture that left me in tears, So finally I quit and got into jam skating (break dancing/hip hop dancing on skates) at like 17 years old. When I was about 18 years old my figure skating coach started up a roller derby team and it was 18+. It had all the local session skaters in it so i gave it a shot. There were A LOT of girls on the team and I quit that team after 2 months due to the girls being competetive and it didn't feel like a team sport to me, I felt like i was competing my own team.
The team split up and later on 5 girls formed a new team called The Renegade Rollergirls OC. I worked at the roller rink and did clean up everytime they came in. I was really cool with the captain who was on the last team before split up and me and her were always cool. Well Somehow I got talked into practicing with them one night and next thing you know. Im The Dude #101 on the renegade rollergirls.
So being a nobody turned into me being a rollergirl, The dude. It felt amazing cause I have more balance on my rollerskates then I do on my 2 feet due to all the effort and time with my figure skating. Derby in my eyes really helped me out. I stick up for myself now. I have friends, and People don't doubt me anymore cause of my size. My mosh pitting days just feels like roller derby but with rollerskates on, the way I feel in that pit-freedom, strongness, like you feel good, it's exactly how I feel when I'm on that floor during derby.
It doesn't matter on how big you are, how strong you are, how tatted up you are, it matters on how much heart and effort you put into it.
I hope a lot of girls who are scared of the sport cause its known for the aggressive stronger woman step up and work hard to just do it. My image of me on that rink I hope encourage those to just do it. You want it, then go do it. It takes a thousand practices, a thousand falls, to get where you need to be. But there's never a word as perfect, no matter how good you are you always need to practice, you always have to put more and more effort each time. There's no such thing as the word Can't, I think I can is all that you can really tell yourself.
For first time I have a team that is just unbelievably talented, sincere, strong, caring, and they all do it with heart. Roller derby is a tough sport, its scary, you never know what's gonna happen till it's done and your already on the ground. Don't ever give up you fall you get back up and keep going till that whistle blows. I am a rollergirl, I'll always be a rollergirl. I'm the dude #101, and I'll always be the dude #101.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
cave-wife and the city
somewhere between foraging for food and having tiny flowers painted on false, plastic fingernails, something's been forgotten. this makes me uncomfortable.
sitting at a desk for 8 hours out of 24 makes me really quite anxious.
i predict that the bodies and minds of anyone born from 2032 onwards will be made to sit at desks, staring at screens for 8 hours out of 24, but right now, i am still primitive. my body and mind are made for survival.
i love eating, drinking, sleeping, fucking and fighting (in a fighting-against-the-boundaries-of-my-body sorta way, not a punching-some-jerk-in-a-bar-cause-he's-being-rude-to-my-friend kinda way...although that may have happened just one time) and attracting my mates by putting on ridiculous shows of public humiliation.
i think I'd make a pretty good cave-wife (apart from my tendency to use big words).
there are these inexorable curiosities in me that need to know that if i had to fight for my life, i'd at least be able to give it a pretty good shot.
but if i lived my life by the word of the cave-wife, in this day and age, i wouldn't be washing my hair with the pricey, ultra-moisturising hair products that make me feel so pretty that's for sure. picture more sexually transmitted disease ridden, in n outa prison livin, park lady with the crazy-eye by 28, instead of amiable, graphic designer with a clean bill of health.
so maybe most people are a fair bit more evolved than me and are fine with the way things are, but i didn't get a choice in the matter, so i play the roller derby, where i'm allowed to let the cave-wife within take control.
i get to find out that i can withstand physical pain and admit that i like knowing it. i'm supposed to hit people as hard as i can.
i'm given the opportunity to see how much i can give and take physically, mentally and emotionally (cause you and i both know that if the determination wasn't there, there's no way my body is picking itself off the floor after the sixteen thousandth massive hit that i didn't see coming cause i was distracted thinking about what a jerk every one i've ever been in a relationship with is, how many days until i get a proper nights sleep again and why exactly i bought tequila shots for 6 people i'd only just met, last weekend when i hadn't done grocery shopping yet and now i have to eat baked beans all week again.
i like that when i'm focused on playing i switch into a much more comfortable mode where i am acting on my impulses rather than 3 days of torturous thought on whether to txt or call and if i do either, should i use the phrase "do you want to..." or "it would be cool if we..."?.
i like that my strength and size is being used for more than just making me feel uncomfortable about buying jeans.
i love it when i use my peripheral vision and judgement of speed within 2 seconds to make a certain distance and take down my opposition. it's likehunting...and dammit! the tribe's eating meat tonight!!
i love that people pay good money to watch me satiate my animal instincts, and that it's accepted and applauded because i smile and obey rules and wear stockings and makeup and so they recognise me as a (basically) regular 21st century woman.
i really love it that i can admit that i am still primative and act on the impulses that i spend repressing most other times.
and i especially love it that after 3 (or something) years of obsession, sweat and pain and then a relaxing 6 week break over xmas/summer -
i might have been starting to think that maybe i wanted inconveniently long fingernails and to spend a bit more time dissecting why he said "do you want to come over?" instead of "I want you to come over", maybe the cave-wife got a bit distracted by the thought of a lazy sunday afternoon beers and a dvd with non-derby friends instead of the muscles in my thighs feeling like burning...
- but it only took a single scrimmage session, last night to release the beast and make me feel more human than anything else in my life does.
the Sun State Roller Girls are back in session...and we'll be eating meat all year round if La Mort Rouge has anything to do with it
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Ocho Cinco
My mom reminded me a few days ago about something I completely forgot..
As a child, a Catholic child.. we went to mass on Saturday night. To my mom, this meant that even though mass was at 7, we ladies began getting ready at 3. I got bathed first, and sat with my hair in HUGE rollers, petticoat and socks with the lace ruffles, and watched TV while my mom got prettied up. I can't beleive I forgot about this, but once she jogged my memory, it all came back to me. While my mom was getting ready, I would watch 2 solid hours of banked track derby. I don't recall the name of the team, and a quick search turned up zilch, but they wore green and yellow.
I remember on commercials, I use to slide back and forth on the tile in the kitchen and pretend to knock the crap out of the kitchen chairs and the fridge. I don't recall any injuries from actually making contact, but I sure was ferocious!! As soon as the commercial was over, I was back in front of the tube till my Dad's episode of HeeHaw came on..
During the week, I apparently jammed through the pack of stuffed animals in my room, and clotheslined them into the walls.
That probably directly contributed to my mom's claims of "she ain't right"..and my subsequent prescription for meds to calm me down..
I don't really remember how I got away from watching derby, or how I even forgot about it altogether..but I did. But I think the roots were already taking hold for what has now become "Boo Boo LaRue".. (this is my dad's nickname for me because I am clumsy, whenever I would fall, he would say "whoa there Boo Boo LaRue."..I called my son that one day out of the blue and thought what a perfect derby name for myself, and a lasting way to honor my ageing, dying father.)
I grew up, (all the way up to 6ft3) went to college, became a wife and a stepmother, then a mother and grandmother. I thought I was pretty OK with life, but I always felt..like something was amiss.
I tried for a long time to conform to what was acceptable to society, to not embarrass my kids. But I always kinda wanted to embrace my inner edgy chick..I just always kept her repressed.
Moving on..I got settled in the monotony of my life, and I even got depressed. I gained weight. Alot of it. I weighed almost 422lbs at my worst.
About the same time I was at my heaviest.. a death,a drowning occured. I was left in pieces. Broken. May 2008. I laid in bed, and cried for almost 5 solid months. When I finally did decide to get up and get out.. "Fight or Flight"..I joined my first derby team.
They say you should never regret anything, because at one point, it's exactly what you wanted. Most of that is true..but I think there's parts of what you think you wanted, that you could do without. That's how it was for me, I probably should have gotten my grieving over with first, perhaps suffered from a tad of PTSD. Perhaps it was just high time for me to get my ass kicked..
Derby, can break you, if your weak. It damn near broke me. I injured myself, skating without a helmet, and a plastic clip in the back of my head..got a concussion. It did hypnosis, and shed many tears, and second guessed why I had the mental block, driving people insane with it. I threw my helmet down and sat on the bench with tears in my eyes many times. Swore this was it. But I always came back. Glutton for punishment I reckon..or for the love of derby..I guess I was stronger, had more tenacity, then even I knew.
Perhaps if I had started derby, after getting my grief worked out first, I would not have made things so very diffcult for myself..but thats how I am. I always tell people, if there is a simple way, and a hard way, I surely will go about things the hard way.
That's not to say I was alone in this.. any derby girl worth her salt knows that drama follows derby girls around like starving children at a Pizza Hut Buffet..
I thought, to an extent, the secret to me being more fit, to me being stronger, emotionally, and to me finally beginning to get over my grief, was derby. I put myself through more than I should, because I thought I had to have derby, I guess I was afraid of reverting..
I really should have given up.. after a year, I should have either just quit trying to skate, or just been satisfied with being an NSO. But, I was happy with being more fit, and losing 160lbs..and my stubborn streak was firmly in place. I was not going to let this kick my ass. So, after a big hullabaloo.. I struck out on my own. That began Gulf Coast Rollergirls Version 1.
Bits of life really suck sometimes.. I had to learn to stop worrying about those bits..
As a child, a Catholic child.. we went to mass on Saturday night. To my mom, this meant that even though mass was at 7, we ladies began getting ready at 3. I got bathed first, and sat with my hair in HUGE rollers, petticoat and socks with the lace ruffles, and watched TV while my mom got prettied up. I can't beleive I forgot about this, but once she jogged my memory, it all came back to me. While my mom was getting ready, I would watch 2 solid hours of banked track derby. I don't recall the name of the team, and a quick search turned up zilch, but they wore green and yellow.
I remember on commercials, I use to slide back and forth on the tile in the kitchen and pretend to knock the crap out of the kitchen chairs and the fridge. I don't recall any injuries from actually making contact, but I sure was ferocious!! As soon as the commercial was over, I was back in front of the tube till my Dad's episode of HeeHaw came on..
During the week, I apparently jammed through the pack of stuffed animals in my room, and clotheslined them into the walls.
That probably directly contributed to my mom's claims of "she ain't right"..and my subsequent prescription for meds to calm me down..
I don't really remember how I got away from watching derby, or how I even forgot about it altogether..but I did. But I think the roots were already taking hold for what has now become "Boo Boo LaRue".. (this is my dad's nickname for me because I am clumsy, whenever I would fall, he would say "whoa there Boo Boo LaRue."..I called my son that one day out of the blue and thought what a perfect derby name for myself, and a lasting way to honor my ageing, dying father.)
I grew up, (all the way up to 6ft3) went to college, became a wife and a stepmother, then a mother and grandmother. I thought I was pretty OK with life, but I always felt..like something was amiss.
I tried for a long time to conform to what was acceptable to society, to not embarrass my kids. But I always kinda wanted to embrace my inner edgy chick..I just always kept her repressed.
Moving on..I got settled in the monotony of my life, and I even got depressed. I gained weight. Alot of it. I weighed almost 422lbs at my worst.
About the same time I was at my heaviest.. a death,a drowning occured. I was left in pieces. Broken. May 2008. I laid in bed, and cried for almost 5 solid months. When I finally did decide to get up and get out.. "Fight or Flight"..I joined my first derby team.
They say you should never regret anything, because at one point, it's exactly what you wanted. Most of that is true..but I think there's parts of what you think you wanted, that you could do without. That's how it was for me, I probably should have gotten my grieving over with first, perhaps suffered from a tad of PTSD. Perhaps it was just high time for me to get my ass kicked..
Derby, can break you, if your weak. It damn near broke me. I injured myself, skating without a helmet, and a plastic clip in the back of my head..got a concussion. It did hypnosis, and shed many tears, and second guessed why I had the mental block, driving people insane with it. I threw my helmet down and sat on the bench with tears in my eyes many times. Swore this was it. But I always came back. Glutton for punishment I reckon..or for the love of derby..I guess I was stronger, had more tenacity, then even I knew.
Perhaps if I had started derby, after getting my grief worked out first, I would not have made things so very diffcult for myself..but thats how I am. I always tell people, if there is a simple way, and a hard way, I surely will go about things the hard way.
That's not to say I was alone in this.. any derby girl worth her salt knows that drama follows derby girls around like starving children at a Pizza Hut Buffet..
I thought, to an extent, the secret to me being more fit, to me being stronger, emotionally, and to me finally beginning to get over my grief, was derby. I put myself through more than I should, because I thought I had to have derby, I guess I was afraid of reverting..
I really should have given up.. after a year, I should have either just quit trying to skate, or just been satisfied with being an NSO. But, I was happy with being more fit, and losing 160lbs..and my stubborn streak was firmly in place. I was not going to let this kick my ass. So, after a big hullabaloo.. I struck out on my own. That began Gulf Coast Rollergirls Version 1.
Bits of life really suck sometimes.. I had to learn to stop worrying about those bits..
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The Dolly Awards
Hey everyone! it's Destructo Dolly...so this is my first time doing a blog. I may not be good at it, but I'm giving it a shot.
I skate for the Renegade Rollergirls of So Cal. A great group of girls and our coach Ben Jammin' makes the sweat, blood, tears, torn tendons and bruises all worth while and it's truly a rush to get out there and get rough and tough with our other derby sisters.
So during the holidays, our team did like an award banquet which was really nice and all. We ate at some sushi buffet place which was an odd choice for a bunch of chicks who love beer and burgers but hey, I eat almost anything... so moving on...
We were presented with awards from our team captain DTP, i won take down of the year thank ya very much! Well I thought it would be cool to give all the girls on my team a signature move and give it a bit of humerous twist, if you know me...you'll be laughing at me or with me at some point for sure!
So I sent out an email to the team saying these are my signature move awards...also known as "The Dolly Award" so here they are for your enjoyment:
The Drive By- Lola La Chola (she takes out the whole barrio!)
The Bowling Ball- Haulin Ash (she turns girls into bowling balls)
The Slide-O-Destructo- Destructo Dolly (I take no prisoners! Take a knee, they go down everytime)
The Speed Angel- Angel Luv Assualt (she is fast is hell, but looks like an Angel doing it)
The Charging Glory- Old E. Glory (she jammed and blocked at the same friggin time!!!!)
The Punch-O-Might- Mighty Mo (throws punches and break her nails while she's at it)
The Car-men Crash- Lil' Queen Bee ( When someone gets taken down, she joins in! like a car crash haha)
The Dominatrix- Kimmie Knockers (she ties your hands behind your back & takes control, bow down! )
The Scissor Sister- Milk Tank...Oh I mean Klinikaly Insane (You fall & she's got you in a scissor grip)
The Disturbance- Disturbing the Peace (Disturb her peace, & you'll end up in peices...or w something dislocated ha ha)
The Cowgirl Dive- JxJx Justice (she dives for your ankles and pulls you down like the track is her rodeo)
The Sunburn- Sunday Smackdown (take cover, go hide! the shade won't save you from her)
The Ben-Tastic Voyage- Ben Jammin' ( whether he is taking us to victory, or taking us to funky town, he has given us a journey to remember!!)
Anyways, that's all I got for today! Tune in next Tuesday for my blog and check out the other stuff rollerderbyvixens.com has for you to look at!
-Destructo Dolly
I skate for the Renegade Rollergirls of So Cal. A great group of girls and our coach Ben Jammin' makes the sweat, blood, tears, torn tendons and bruises all worth while and it's truly a rush to get out there and get rough and tough with our other derby sisters.
So during the holidays, our team did like an award banquet which was really nice and all. We ate at some sushi buffet place which was an odd choice for a bunch of chicks who love beer and burgers but hey, I eat almost anything... so moving on...
We were presented with awards from our team captain DTP, i won take down of the year thank ya very much! Well I thought it would be cool to give all the girls on my team a signature move and give it a bit of humerous twist, if you know me...you'll be laughing at me or with me at some point for sure!
So I sent out an email to the team saying these are my signature move awards...also known as "The Dolly Award" so here they are for your enjoyment:
The Drive By- Lola La Chola (she takes out the whole barrio!)
The Bowling Ball- Haulin Ash (she turns girls into bowling balls)
The Slide-O-Destructo- Destructo Dolly (I take no prisoners! Take a knee, they go down everytime)
The Speed Angel- Angel Luv Assualt (she is fast is hell, but looks like an Angel doing it)
The Charging Glory- Old E. Glory (she jammed and blocked at the same friggin time!!!!)
The Punch-O-Might- Mighty Mo (throws punches and break her nails while she's at it)
The Car-men Crash- Lil' Queen Bee ( When someone gets taken down, she joins in! like a car crash haha)
The Dominatrix- Kimmie Knockers (she ties your hands behind your back & takes control, bow down! )
The Scissor Sister- Milk Tank...Oh I mean Klinikaly Insane (You fall & she's got you in a scissor grip)
The Disturbance- Disturbing the Peace (Disturb her peace, & you'll end up in peices...or w something dislocated ha ha)
The Cowgirl Dive- JxJx Justice (she dives for your ankles and pulls you down like the track is her rodeo)
The Sunburn- Sunday Smackdown (take cover, go hide! the shade won't save you from her)
The Ben-Tastic Voyage- Ben Jammin' ( whether he is taking us to victory, or taking us to funky town, he has given us a journey to remember!!)
Anyways, that's all I got for today! Tune in next Tuesday for my blog and check out the other stuff rollerderbyvixens.com has for you to look at!
-Destructo Dolly
Monday, January 18, 2010
Number One
What goes around comes around......Karma.......It is what it is..........Karma.........My name is Karma........The game is Rollerderby..........The time is now!!!!!!!
Four years ago rollerderby entered my life and it hasn't been the same bi far.........Karmic Recall #911 was born into this eclectic family.........I am proud to say a derby girl.......all heart.....no bull.......Karmic Recall has finally found her home!!!!!!
A unique sport to say the least......Misunderstood bi many.......Accepted bi all........Doesn't make much cents..........Most of us don't make dollars........It's pure love for this sport that keeps us rolling......Keeps us growing.......Together we skate.......Together we fall.......At times we even end up bashing up against a wall........A dying bread that refuses to die.........Not without her dailly beating!!!!!
Every rollergirl has her own personal reason......Why she chooses to be a part of rollerderby.... I speak on behalf of me and me only......This sport has givin me so much more than any one person can visually see.....It gave me a whole new sence of being.........A purpose if you may........ It gives a women not only power on a whole other level........But a voice.........Screaming......... Demanding to be heared.........At the same time It gives me a chance to relieve daily stresses most importantly gives me strength to accept and deal with my past........It has made me a better person........It isn't just a sport........It's a lifestyle we choose to accept .........The good with the bad........A true rollergirl has no regrets!!!!!!
This is what I live for.......What I breath........My soul craves rollerderby tranquility.........From the roughest to the toughest..........The sexiest to the silent........We are the ninjas of it all........... the true ninjas of life........We are someones mother........Someones daughter.........Your childs elementry teacher..........Some of us are even doctors......What ever the case may be.......We are all these things and much much more........We are rollerderby girls............
Like a tattoo........Rollerderby is forever.........whether you're a spectator.......a fan.......most importantly a player of the game.........Once you taste it you tend to crave it!!!!!! This is where you love it or leave it......What ever the case may be.........You will never forget that moment in time when you can say you where a part of something bigger than you .......Bigger than me....... A sport created bi pure love.......Raw passion........Integrity.........And that my friends is truly a beautiful thing........
This is my first blogg of many........I would like to take the time out and give props where props are due.........This goes out to all my rollerderby sisters out there..........To all the sacrifices we make for the love of it all...........The dedication not to mention the respect you gain when you lace up your skates........Keep on rolling girls........We are doing great!!!!!
A special thanks to the friends and family of a rollergirl.......We would be nothing without the support of our loved ones............Thank You!!!!!!
Much Derby Love,
Karma
Four years ago rollerderby entered my life and it hasn't been the same bi far.........Karmic Recall #911 was born into this eclectic family.........I am proud to say a derby girl.......all heart.....no bull.......Karmic Recall has finally found her home!!!!!!
A unique sport to say the least......Misunderstood bi many.......Accepted bi all........Doesn't make much cents..........Most of us don't make dollars........It's pure love for this sport that keeps us rolling......Keeps us growing.......Together we skate.......Together we fall.......At times we even end up bashing up against a wall........A dying bread that refuses to die.........Not without her dailly beating!!!!!
Every rollergirl has her own personal reason......Why she chooses to be a part of rollerderby.... I speak on behalf of me and me only......This sport has givin me so much more than any one person can visually see.....It gave me a whole new sence of being.........A purpose if you may........ It gives a women not only power on a whole other level........But a voice.........Screaming......... Demanding to be heared.........At the same time It gives me a chance to relieve daily stresses most importantly gives me strength to accept and deal with my past........It has made me a better person........It isn't just a sport........It's a lifestyle we choose to accept .........The good with the bad........A true rollergirl has no regrets!!!!!!
This is what I live for.......What I breath........My soul craves rollerderby tranquility.........From the roughest to the toughest..........The sexiest to the silent........We are the ninjas of it all........... the true ninjas of life........We are someones mother........Someones daughter.........Your childs elementry teacher..........Some of us are even doctors......What ever the case may be.......We are all these things and much much more........We are rollerderby girls............
Like a tattoo........Rollerderby is forever.........whether you're a spectator.......a fan.......most importantly a player of the game.........Once you taste it you tend to crave it!!!!!! This is where you love it or leave it......What ever the case may be.........You will never forget that moment in time when you can say you where a part of something bigger than you .......Bigger than me....... A sport created bi pure love.......Raw passion........Integrity.........And that my friends is truly a beautiful thing........
This is my first blogg of many........I would like to take the time out and give props where props are due.........This goes out to all my rollerderby sisters out there..........To all the sacrifices we make for the love of it all...........The dedication not to mention the respect you gain when you lace up your skates........Keep on rolling girls........We are doing great!!!!!
A special thanks to the friends and family of a rollergirl.......We would be nothing without the support of our loved ones............Thank You!!!!!!
Much Derby Love,
Karma
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Welcome To Roller Derby Vixen's Blog
Every day we will bring you a blog from a different RollerGirl around the world. News, stories and insights about Roller Derby from a world wide perspective.
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