I get all the support I need from my sport bra.."ba da bum bum"

Ok.. no seriously.

My story begins long ago in a galaxy far, far, away..where the men were men, and the women usually looked like men. Podunk Tiny Town Texas.

My mom and popsicle were older parents..my mom was a petite, beautiful cheerleader or "yell leader" as they were called in those days, my daddy career Navy Officer. As a teen my mom was striken with polio, and for various reasons, she was unable to have children due to the strain on her body. So..they elected to adopt.

What she hoped for was a cute tiny lil version of herself that she could continue to persue all her own personal hopes and aspirations through. On June 4th, 1973, that dream was shot down in flames when my nearly 12lb,covered in red splotches self came screaming into the world.

Since they had already pre-paid for me, I guess they figured it was best to go ahead and take me home. Maybe I would shrink or something, I dunno. Grow into my head..or fat rolls..

Yeah.. that didn't happen.. year after year the lineup in school was like this..

kid kid kid kid kid ME kid kid kid kid kid

I guess it didn't help that we moved in next door to Janna and Tiffany, the Captain of the Drill Team, and Head Cheerleader.

My mom was emotionally distant from me.I wasn't what she wanted... My father lent his pants and his scrotum to my mother, so he pretty much went along with whatever she said..while one on one he was a tender, loving father..it was when it mattered, up against my mother, that he did nothing. But honestly, it was always my mother's approval I sought most.

They paid for me to go to college, I got whatever I wanted as long as I was seen and not heard by my mother.... it paid off I reckon, because I am fluent in 4 languages, passable in a 5th, and I have a pretty dang good job...but whatever I wanted,was more or less love and approval, not a wave of the hand and a cold smile. Someone genuinely excited for my good deeds and sports exploits would have been outstanding..

I have always been gigantic..I remember when I got married, my dad is at the front of the reception venue and he raises a glass and says "I'd like to make a toast to the man who married my little girl.."

I holler from the receiving line "LITTLE? DADDY.. PUT ON YOUR GLASSES!!!"

With me being gigantic.. I am slow. I will always be slow. Fast I am not..so praise for me being a track star or a basketball or volleyball player never came. It was only for band, or drama, or powerlifting, or shotput.. the stuff that took the muscle..or a bit of smarts. I relished that praise, soaked it up. But it came from my teachers..not who I was so desperately seeking it from..my Mom..

I found derby,which we went over that in my first blog..my mother, being who she is..is full of things to say..."Your too old.." "don't you care what people think".. "If you'd think a little less about yourself and more about other people.."....She means her...lol...think only about her, and what she wants.

The day I took the pics that appear on my blog, I had a giant rockabilly poof on the top, and it was newly dyed black and neon pink, she rode with me to town, and I could see her eyeballing me out of the corner of my eye.

"You don't want me to tell you what you look like do you?"
"No mom, but I am reasonably sure your going to anyway"

So she was quiet for 10 minutes, and then she just couldn't stand it anymore. "You look like Dolly Parton mated with Mon Chi Chi then threw up, you just like seeing how stupid you can look, don't you?"

Really Mom? Really?

After a recent appearence on local TV..my mom calls me immediately after it's over.

It was too much to expect her to be complimentary.

"You look puffy, have you been eating Swiss Cake Rolls again, your fat"

So I was thinking about getting her one of those t-shirts that say "Proud Mother of a Rollergirl" except she wouldn't wear it..mostly because it doesn't come with a fashionable 70's style collar, doesn't come in a polyester/spandex blend, and would look ridiculous with her sensible, yet sturdy shoes. Oh.. and because the shirt doesnt say "I am proud of my tiny,petite Big 10 cheerleader" or even "I am proud of my giant daughter who was too large to be a tiny petite Big 10 cheerleader, so she became a nun and didn't embarass me by joining roller derby."... I forgot to add, my mom is staunch Catholic.

So that's the parental support aspect of it..I love my mom..

As for the manfolk/kids..

The man is a ref/coach..goes to every practice, every derby function,buys every single piece of equipment I own...couldn't ask for a more stellar pillar of support...

The kids..well once my 11 year old stopped getting other mothers wanting to kick my ass by telling kids in his class "Oh yeah.. you don't like it.. my mom is a rollergirl.. my mom can kick your moms BUTT.".. it was great, he wears the shirts, slaps stickers on things he's not suppose to in school, and tells kids to "pack it up" in the lunch line..

The oldest..hahahahahahahahaha.

He's 16, head of the redneck mafia. I remember last year, he was showin' hawgs at the state fair, so I darted from practice to the show barn, didn't even take off my gear. It was after the auction so buyers would be perusing the barn lookin for a good deal..

Lemmie tell ya one thing...

Cowboys love them some big giant rollergirls... sho' 'nuff..

But for every cowboy that was in there offering to "show me some derby luv"..there was some large country women there too..you know the type..big girls, lookin down their noses at me because I don't fit into their world.

Like their kids heifers.. the women themselves needed to have their hooves trimmed so they would stand correctly.

Now before ya'll start giving me crap.. I'm a big girl.. chunky..always have been, always will be, difference between me and them is, I dont look down my nose at people who are different, and treat them like garbage..

Well I went in the back side of the barn..and this boy took a gander at me in all my derby finery, got wide eyed and went screaming to find my son.. everybody from the front side of the barn came a runnin'..

Looked life a calf scramble I tell ya...

"There is this really weird looking women.. she's all padded up.. I think she's come to steal a hawg"

(Yes.. apparently derby gear will keep you well protected whilst stealing a 280lb show hawg)

So my teenage son pipes up..

"She ain't weird.. she's my momma.. and momma does derby..ain't it cool?"

So he wants me standing there with him as buyers come from the auction barn to the show barn..my son stood there proudly by my side..sporting my team at that time's shirt, and me wearing my gear still....

This guy comes buy and says "so who's this roller hockey chick"

"It's roller derby sir, and she's my momma"

"But your a cowboy.."

('Cause apparently I am unable to birth out of my social species..)

That boy of mine is now an NSO for GCRG..and is working on his skating to be a ref when he is of age..I think he pimps out team merch just as much as some of our girls!

So, in short. what I didn't get from my mom, I get in spades from my boys and man...and without that support..I really don't know where I would be...

Lost I reckon...

I almost quit derby..I was having a rough time of it after I slammed my head..and another derbygirl from my old team and I sat in the stands watching a bout one time.. (she was having issues with the hitting part of derby, she could skate like a mofo, but was scared of the hitting).. she said to me.. "you know, if we ever get it..as in, if I ever get past my fear of getting hit and hitting in return, I will be an alright skater, I mean, i'm little and cute and everybody will think "aww look at her"..but you..you get over that glitch and get your stride back again, your the stuff legends are made of, i'd kill to be as big as you and have that much hitting power"

SHUTUP!!

I laughed my ass off at her. Legend? Me? Ok..yeah, whatever..I don't presume to be so conceited myself, I am just a big solid lump... but then I realized later on..this is for me..this sport.. this is my thing..it doesn't matter I am not what my MOTHER wanted.. this sport doesnt care what SHE wanted..it relishes girls my size..and so I didn't quit..and I always hear that girls words echo in my head when I am still trying to work my skating out in my own head. Even when things got really bad with my other team..I still heard those words..

It began with the support of my man and my kids..then that small convo the girl probably doesnt even remember...in the midst of a serious craptastic time in my derby career....which was a huge boost of moral support, that kept me from quitting.. and helped me to move on to what I have now, the love and support of the phenomenal, PHENOMENAL group of ladies I skate with now, the GCRG.

I smile now. I laugh..I am happy to be around good people..good friends. The grieving for the lost child has lessened.. still hurts, but is not as consuming and harsh and debilitating, the obsessing over my own sucky ability to get over my head glitch from injury is gone,and I let go of my hurt from my experiences with my previous team..sometimes I still am a bit shellshocked..but I quickly get over it. Without derby, I would not have met these girls.Would not have this support network that I have now. I am thankful to have it in my life.

As for my mom.. someone once told me there is 2 Fences in Life.. the 'Eff It Fence.. and The Fix it Fence, and I had to figure out which one I was ridin'.. I rode the Fix it Fence for a long time.. to no avail..and my life only got better when I conceded that derby is what makes me happy, and no matter what, my mom will never be happy with me, derby or not.. so where she's concerned, I shall show her the proper respect she deserves as my mother..but I now ride the 'Eff It Fence.

Without the love of my family, (sorry mom, not you, thank God she doesn't have a computer) and the support of my derby sisters, I wouldn't be who I am right now...and everything I have done up unto this point, has been a learning experience, that while sometimes painful, it has all been necessary to get to this fantastic experience I have right now, which is the Gulf Coast Rollergirls.

Derby Love-
Boo Boo LaRue

www.gulfcoastrollergirls.com