Thursday, February 4, 2010

PANTS TO YOU SIR!


once i explained to my mother after the only bout that she has seen me play in, that i didn't mean to, it was just a knee jerk reaction when i punched my best friend Ladykiller (lamely, in the chest) - the rim of her helmet came down on my shoulder joint and it really freekin hurt - she surprisingly answered that punching an attacker is probably the best reaction i could have when somebody hurts me.
she didn't sound really worried and tell me to be careful every time derby was mentioned after that.

my boss has no sympathy for any derby-related injury complaints as i "bring it on myself", so i sit quietly in my office with my bag of frozen peas and keep it real - he does however let me print a ridiculous amount of derby related material on his fancy new printer, sponsor ads in calendars and gives me time off in order to prepare for bouts. i know he secretly love that i play.
my only co-worker said "...but you can't be a geek, you play roller derby" ha!

i think i actually used to wear fishnet stockings more before i started playing, i guess i now consider them "sports-wear" so only usually wear them for games or when it's too hot to train in leggings.
i started going to the fledgling derby league in my town after i got fed up with all of my friends telling me that they had heard of this roller ball thing and i should do it. note: the majority of nicknames bestowed upon me have incorporated the word "crazy".
my housemates and friends come to games and are very apologetic, almost ashamed if they can't make the 4th one in a row. derby is just a thing i do and although my friends and people i'm introduced to as "...Kate, she plays roller derby!" think it's pretty cool, i don't think it's really considered that unusual, at least for a crazy, outgoing, attention whore like myself, to play the sport.

i'll tell you who doesn't support derby though, freekin the people who make pants.
i'm proud of my tremendous thighs and tend to pick up by telling guys i could crush their head with them...if i so chose, and then they are all, "nuh uh!" and i am all "yuh huh!" and they are all "well prove it" and then i take them home, have my way, crush their head and eat their remains.
my pants though, are now held up, not at the waist or hips by the waistband like a regular persons pants might, but by the wedges of strength that most people refer to as thighs. the fabric at waist and abdomen hangs loose and annoying, wearing belts creates that pant butt scrunching effect which is not flattering to anyone. oh life is hard!
i now own several pairs of very high waisted polka dot underpants that compensate for the gap created by wearing pants 2 sizes too big in the waist. i like to wear them as my bikini bottoms at the beach and make the rest of my league get drunk and try them on. in fact, finally bringing this issue out in the open has inspired me to put forward that as SSRG's previously non-existent hazing ritual, we make all newbies, refs included, skate their first scrimmage session in my ridiculous knickers.
am i right, or am i right?