Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Do it on all 4's!

So did everyone hear that Ricky Martin is officially gay? I wasn't surprised...but he's still hott!! Wooo Livin La Vida Loca!

Anyways, so I was watching the Winter Olympics, Curling? a sport? really? Isn't that just a broom pushing a big hockey puck around?? I don't know, but did anyone check out speed skating? Holy Moly that is awesome! I can't possibly imagine how fast they go! I have fantasies of them teaching me their ways and jamming for our team and no one can touch me because I am too fast! WOO!

So I find it really amazing how many things you can do with 4 wheels under your feet...we can derby, figure skate, and apparently dance skate, and in some instances the skills stay for a long time!

My team and I went to the local skating rink on a rainy night and I'm skating trying to dodge all the little kids and they fall all over the place and I'm like trying to get past the lady that is about to fall on and crush her own child, then I see two men enter the rink and they start flying! I mean they are gliding around and dancing and moon walking and doing crazy dance skating moves...it was awesome! So skate session is over and these older ladies walk in all decked out in sequence and sparkles and tan tights and they start busting like triple axles and spinning fast and I was like woah!

I went for fun to a skate rink In Cerritos, CA and it was nothing but people dance skating, like the movie Roll Bounce with Lil' Bow Wow...I was embarassed! These broads can drop it like its hot and can skate like MO FO!!! they were like crip walking on skates and going super fast and popping their bootys and making out with a dude all on skates! 4 itty bitty wooden wheels... some glue them to their street shoes! It was totally rad and I was trying to recruit some of the girls but they were like break dancing on skates so it was hard to get a word in...

I just think it's so awesome what 4 wheels under my feet can do!

Looking for a team to join?
Join ME and the Renegade Rollergirls So Cal! email for info: destructo.dolly@gmail.com

Friday, March 26, 2010

Finding a balance in life and roller derby

So I have said it before and I will say it again - my two favorite and most descriptively true roller derby quotes are "roller derby saved my soul" and "roller derby ruined my life."

It has consistently been hard for me to find a balance with roller derby and my life. Being in a league takes up a lot of time and energy, aside from the training to be a great athlete part; the meetings, the event planning, the endless volunteer work, it all takes time.

When I first joined the league I am in, five years ago, I suffocated myself within a year and a half. I was the head of the sponsorship committee, I was doing league work on my lunch breaks, and I was taking time off work during the middle of the week to do things like fly to Las Vegas for potential, yet non-wielding, sponsors. I was skating almost every day either at practice or outside, I wasn't eating right or taking vitamins and protein shakes, I wasn't getting enough sleep, I wasn't doing any cross training or injury prevention, and I hardly ever sat out or missed a practice or a beach skate simply because I was hurt or not feeling good.

And boy did I pay the price for being wreckless. An injury from a fall on a beach skate hospitalized me with staff infection. I had to have surgery and was on an IV for ten days, after which I spent three months having a home nurse come to my house and change my bandage as my leg healed. While all this was going on everything else in my life that I had been ignoring fell apart as well. I lost my job, my living situation fell through, a close family member died.

I ended up being MIA from derby for the next two years. I was still on the message boards and showed up at games now and then, and I was skating on my own at home, but I wasn't going to practice and I had lost touch with everyone. I was too busy trying to get the life that I had let fall apart, back in order.

In the end, everything happens for a reason. As I have worked to get my life back together, I was able to work roller derby into my life plan. I am back in touch with my league and on the teams that I have always wanted to be on. With my first game from both teams out of the way I am looking forward to the rest of this year. I just need to remember to continue to keep a balance between my life and roller derby, so that I never have to be MIA for two years again!

Kali Katt

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Is there a Priest in the house?

Seriously.. I think we need one.

I am Irish, and Catholic..and we Irish are fond of 3 things (use your imagination), in no particular order. Aside from that, we are also heavy into our religion, and our own moms have no problem laying a big dose of that repressed Irish Catholic guilt on us.

So that being said..I believe in signs, and sacred things, and curses..

Our rink needs a priest. Really. It is cursed.

Well just this one particular area on the floor.

I stood over it tonight after the latest lil spill and recited the only prayer that came to mind.
Was it a heart wrenching Our Father? Perhaps a somber Hail Mary? Nope..my prayer was part made up out of fear, and part of my love of the Boondock Saints. (That's some Irish Golden Cinema iffin ya don't know)

"Please Dear Beloved Rink floor, you are made of awesome and epic and win..Please don't eat me and sacrifice me to the skate deities like you have taken so many of my sisters before me..In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti"

And then I did the sign of the cross..seriously.

Yeah ima dork!

You think i'm jokin, right? WRONG!!!

Case in point..mock jam for TV, Boom Boom Pow falls and breaks her tailbone, Rearview just last practice fell and rolled a couple of times, there was a tense couple of minutes while we waited for her to get up... Sweet Asylum is down with a bad shoulder sprain, Booty Galore, Va Va Doom, & Vicious Trauma have fallen prey to that one area of rink floor numerous times, but lived to skate on.

Myself, I was skating along pretty good even for me, talking to Piretta, and just for no reason I fell flat on my face when I reached that area. Her response "Did you mean to do that or did you fall?" My retort.. "No Asshat...when do you ever see me purposely fall FLAT ON MY FACE?"

Tonight was no exception.Broken Halo took a hand to the nose hard in a jam,leaving her a bit dazed and definitely red nosed and probably bruised..same area of the rink... Lottie Dottie was skating along in a jam, and I can't even describe what she did, but needless to say, the rink was echoing with her tears and screams of pain. We now know she has broken the head of her fibula.

Same area in the floor.

Our fresh meat was practicing just a few feet away..you could see the fear in their eyes. I think it shook them worse than it shook Lottie.

We've examined the floor, it appears normal, nice and smooth, nothing sticking to the floor, no candy..no irregularities, our skates run across it smoothly..

Is it some rollergirl Bermuda Triangle, eating passing rollergirls?

Is it cursed? Does it need to be blessed? Exorcised?

That's where the priest comes in.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Wow! I'm short.

So idk if anyone's seen the hilarious picture of Sugar Crash (the site owner) and I...but it made me realize...there is some tall ass women out there! Maybe this sounds dumb but I seriously never thought girls were taller then 5'10!! The more I watch derby, the more I see all the height differences. Just an interesting observation.

I was in a bout with the San Diego Renegades and this girl had to be like 6 feet tall and I was literally having to jumping to try and bump her, I think if a tried to hip check her...I'd hit her knees haha.

Well, no point in this blog really other than just a funny obeservation from a 5 foot tall person.

Monday, March 22, 2010

A wish apon a star!!!!!!

Although rollerderby has brought many possitive aspects to my life.......It has also brought out the negative......basic rule of life.........you can not have the good with out the bad....... my friends......its called balance......

Drama......The personal drama has to be the worst.....call it jelousy.....call it being pre judged......call it whatever you will......the worst part about it is when you have so many people in power and everyone has already pin pointed you out to be .........then its you against the world in the love of rollerderby.......

You try to put a larger amount (15-60 give or take) of females.....of strong willed females together and you sit back and watch what happens......its all part of the sport.....its the good and the bad.......but sometimes a person can only take so much disrespect before they completly loose it......

When i joined this sport 5 years ago i knew exactly what i was getting myself into......but i saw .....i see so much more than most......I saw a possibility to create a bond with people......a bond with others that sacrificed as much as you do in order to be involved in something so self seficiant......something so beautiful as rollerderby........

my wish is to find a team of females that share the same love as i do.......the same respect as me for this sport......and everything it stands for.......some equality would be nice......to concentrate on not segrigating a team.....the clicks will be eliminated.......and there shall be no sides....everyone is on the same page........focused on the bigger picture.....there would be absolutly no exceptions to the rules......no matter what.......we all follow the same rules .......no matter how long......no matter how good....no matter what......trust.....would have to be last but not least......trust like a sister would trust another sister with a pinky swear.........trust that is so unbrakable there would be no second guessing anything....

This is how i would like the world to view rollerderby....this is what i see....the possibility....a group of die hard athletes just making thier way across country.....doing what they love and loving what they do.......accepting the everything.......compromising along the way......only in knowing that it will all be worth something more...... one day.......

much derby love

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Some guys have a fear of commitment..

They are the source of countless magazine articles, jokes, jabs and cry fests..we are taught by our mothers and gal pals how to avoid those wastes of our time.

You can't be in a relationship, where your doing all the work, constantly trying to make ends meet,and the other person doesn't feel the same way about you.

It's one sided.

You know where I'm going with this don't you? You see what I'm building to?

Derby girl wannabe's. They are just like guys with commitment issues.You do all the work. They let you down, they make promises they don't intend to keep....

I let my team pick my topic this week..this is what they chose.

Excuse me while I get up on my soapbox for a bit. (yeah so now I'm like 6ft8)

I've been told before, that everybody has a place in derby, even the girls that just wanna wear the cute clothes and promote, but don't want to skate. Now while I agree with that, what I don't agree with, is having a group of girls, who have their sweat equity in a team, drop their lives, leave their kids and their significant others at home 3 to 4 times a week to come together to form a cohesive team that kicks ass, be disrupted constantly by the girls with commitment issues.

Explanation? So you come to practice once a week instead of the 3 times we do. Or out of 3 weeks we see your smiling face 1 time, What does that do for us as a team? We learn to skate as a fluid unit, we learn each others movements and abilities. We are a solid team. Then you come in.. your out of shape, your winded, when you trip up you trip everybody else up. Honestly, it is a pure lack of courtesy and disrespect to your teammates. It is as if your saying "I can do whatever I want, I'm an entitled special snowflake." It's like your flipping the bird to our sacrifices away from our own family and personal life for this sport we call derby.

You cant show a pure lack of commitment, show up when you feel like it, be out of shape, screw everybody up and parade around in your jersey and say your a derby girl.That really makes you nothing but a casual skater who happens to have one of our shirts. That makes you a fan. Not a derby girl.

While we all understand family takes priority, it's hard to take someone seriously when their MySpace and Facebook statuses for weeks and days go on about their exploits, and when their having the time of their lives or being comical while we all are busting our asses then stroll in for one practice and bitch about how hard it is, sorry doll, it's hard to feel pity for you.

We don't have time for it, and we don't need it. Join Curves for Women if your fond of female sport interaction in a circular pattern, not derby.

You have to ask yourself..is this what I want in my life? Is this what I want for myself? Because derby isn't just about putting on the skates and the jersey and sneering in front of a camera. It's also about committing yourself to off skate endurance training, good eating habits, and for hell and be damned SHOW UP TO PRACTICE!!

If you can do all of these things, and you decide to make that sort of inner sacrifice and inner commitment, then your ready to be an effective player for your team. For me, on my last team the last 3 months, I never wore my jersey. I made every practice, But never wore my jersey. I wasn't committed to them anymore, and I felt I didn't deserve to wear that jersey. ( I guess that was my own way of telling myself it's time to roll out, just didn't listen.) Now, I wear a version of a GCRG T-shirt/jersey EVERYWHERE. I got out of shape because I lacked commitment when I left my other team. Now I watch what I eat, and I'm trying to get back into a regimented workout program.


Because I don't want to be a wannabe.. I wanna be that back wall of a blocker your not gonna get past..Once I honestly asked myself the question of "How would my life be without derby" I was not pleased with the answer.. I reached a level of inner commitment, that frankly, is kicking my ass. Sometimes, like tonight, I wonder what the hell have I gotten myself into? My coach discovered the secret to my excessively slow skating. I always assumed it was my fear of falling because I injured myself. No. I fall all the time without pads and I think it's funny.
My problem is it takes me way longer than 3 seconds to get back up. I'm like a big knuckled clumsy gorilla. So I skate slow so I wont fall, and nobody will see me McGilla Gorilla it.So as everybody else enjoyed their sprints and queen of the rink and jams and such tonight, I spent the entire practice going up and down the side of the rink throwing myself down, and getting back up. Did I cry? Yes, Because my leg muscles hated me. Would it have been way easier to say screw this, and just be a ref who doesn't have to skate fast? Yes. So why didn't I give up? Because I am committed to being valuable to my team. I am committed to myself. I will be there every practice. Even though the apparent plan is for me to be throwing myself down for the next 2 weeks...I will be there.

It frikkin SUCKS!!!

But, I won't bitch about it, I will suck it up and put on my big girl booty shorts..because this is a commitment I am determined to see through.

And judging by the topic my team mates were so adamant I blog about today, I am not the only one with a rock solid commitment to derby and this team..

"There is no glory in practice, but without practice there is no glory."


(This is a universal problem that spans all derby teams. It's not singling any one particular person out on my team per se, but it is meant as a blanket statement, a reality slap if you will, to anybody who shows up when they feel like it..your doing your team no good. There is no I in Team.)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Things that make you go HMMMMM........

I am more than ok with what I have and haven't done in my life ...today.......
You may never see what I see.....that.......is something I just can't teach!!!Yet I have learned so many things to pass on.......forgive and forget..... now thats just bull.......you may forgive but you should never forget........You will only forget yourself in the process.....
The more fire you play with......the more you tend to get burned......learned that one many scars down this crazy road of life......
Play the game or be played this is what I like to refer to as "reality" in the same breath......"money isn't everything" contridicting as it may seem but again all a part of "reality".......
Love is what you make it....."it" meaning all the drama and bull.......Its so much more........more than any words could ever explain........so much beyond just "making it"
Ignorance is bliss...........is it really.......The truth lies in the eye of the beholder......what if the beholder was born with out eyes........the truth is far beyond just eyes.........pay attention to the signs and you'll see.........
Illusion always causes confusion.....but your intuition will never change.....have faith in yourself and everything fake will be erased!!!!!
Believe it and it shall be.......nothing wrong with chasing your dreams.............Must not forget about the fight........what ever fight that may be..........choose your battles wisley my friends.....be aware of the scars left in the end........
Stop and smell the roses......you may not get another chance.......lets face it tomarrow is not promised........and as far as time goes..............time doesn't owe you a thing..........regret the things you didn't do...not the things you have already been thro.........
Strong believer in taking a chance..........save the last dance so to speak........Last but not least.....one of my main goals in my life was to always be remembered....but that has changed.....I will accept nothing less than unforgetable......when they speak my name!!!!

Much Derby Love

Thursday, March 11, 2010


bad week.
bad week, but good header, yeh?
later...this is all getting a bit too personal. tune in quick before i realise how much this is actually should just start with - Dear Diary, i really hope no one ever finds the key to you and reads all this stuff that i only tell you, because you will never judge me, right? - and delete everything except the bad week bit...
i saw Dinosaur Jr a few nights ago - they were more rockin than i was anticipating and J Mascis, more understated than i thought a rock star could ever get - the very reason i like the band. the one line i've sung since i remember- you know the song line where you're all "oh fuck - strum my freekin pain why don't you - it's like they reached into my god damn soul for those lyrics OH!"; i feel the pain of everyone, and then i feel nothing. not exactly the cup runnething over with the heady floral arrangement of emotion that others might consider the deepest reflection of their soul, but it describes the way i run. right now i feel nothing. nothing at all.
first bout of the SSRG season in 1 sleeps time...
i'm going in as not-captain. i'm going to try to keep my mouth shut and my head in check, not too much swearing at the other team. i'm worried that not being in a position of responsibility will give me the long leash to finally totally lose my shit (punch someone/anyone in the face right now? don't mind if i do). but probably not. i'm going to be in my usual quietly confident Liquorice Short Shorts are going to seep blood from the pores of their skin as soon as they fall under my gaze self, by whistle-blow, but right now...fuck...nothing. maybe some weird angry violent urges. i need sex.
UGH! stupid not heeding own advice

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

In the grand scheme of life..

...some stuff just doesn't matter..


I am gonna sorta follow Karma's lead, and go somewhat off topic. I admire her for having the cajones to do so..

I am going to answer a few questions about myself..that people have asked, and put to bed a few issues.

You've read my blog about me coming from another team, I did..why am I not there anymore?

Derby Drama.. plain and simple.

We all know it, we've all seen it, we have all experienced it. It sucks. It hurts, and it's counterproductive and usually filled with BS, and causes ill will between all sides involved,even long after it's over.

So what happened between me and that other team?

I was Terminated.

There, I said it... Terminated.

That's a hella big mouthful for me to say, I assure you.

The things I will say next, may be difficult for some people to read, or even learn about me, because many of you only knew me from the derby world,some post termination, so they were never privy to the details of my life and how I EXACTLY came to the derby life, just the abridged version, others have known me since I was small, and I never showed them that side of me. I kept it hidden. My inner turmoil was my own.

When I left that team, I said everything I was ever thinking, about everything, no matter the subject. I sounded like a lunatic.
But I had to get it off my chest, because holding it in for over a year, over every frikkin incident after stupid nitpicked inconsequential incident....it had built up and was making me hella bitter

But I sat in the shower not that long ago and had an epiphany of sorts, an absolution, if you will.

As I sat there, scalding water pelting my skin, steam taking my breath away. I realized, I am ok. I survived. I lived, it all made me stronger, and it just doesn't matter. It's all stupid. Your 36 years old. Who really cares?

I am ok with everything that went on with my first team.


Sure, it tore me to pieces then...but lets examine things.. shall we?

I was one effed up individual then.. Jarred had only been dead for less than 3 months. That exceptional child I adored,who had become my third child,and in turn, by befriending, and then later becoming a brother to my own natural son, he helped save my son from himself.You see, my son was on a bad path of self destruction due to his own emotional issues of bipolar, manic depression, ADHD and schizo affective disorder, the boy's relationship with each other had such a positive effect on my son, he was functioning normally in public school...I saw that Jarred become a statistic when I witnessed him pulled from the river that hot summer day. Everyone worried that my son would revert. He grew up, I think because his innocence was lost that day somewhere on the shore,however, to an extent..I think I lost a bit of my own sanity for a time being. It was shrouded in a thick veil of grief and sorrow and blame. Had he just been with me that day at the movies, everything would still be ok. I was standing at an abyss. I had lost alot of weight from simply not eating. I was trying to be like a rabbit.I was trying to will myself to die. A rabbit is the only animal that can do so. True Fact.

I was close to taking my own life many times. I lacked the courage and fortitude to do so. The grief was overwhelming. It was consuming.It was also incredibly selfish of me.

I joined that team, at my lowest point, emotionally and physically.As I have said before in my blog, (in case you forget,lol), Derby can break you, it damn near broke me. I held on to it for longer than I should, because I thought I needed it. I put up with more crap than I should, I went against my morals, principles, and ethics, the very way I was raised because I thought if I let it go, I would go back to that girl who wanted to take her own life over the loss of a child so dear to me. I would be back in the abyss. While I loved what derby stood for, the torment from the drama wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't like who I was anymore. I hated what I had become.

In life however, I never found my happy medium. I went from being a berserker, seriously, I would go off on you for looking at me wrong, that's before Jarred died (that's the bully I use to be, that I keep telling my girls about, and nobody seems to believe me..lol).. to being a whiny, crying, sobbing mess at the drop of a hat after he died. I never smiled at anything, never enjoyed life's simple pleasures anymore. Death makes you weird,I literally cried over everything,throw in normal derby drama, I took everything personally, and for me it was the end of the world, whereas before, anything I took personally then, ida went street rat crazy on you, and damned the repercussions. I blew it off, and whatever that person thought about it at the time..

But, now.. I really and truly am OK with everything.. I can say that with absolute honesty and clarity.

Why act like that? Why continue to subject myself to arguing and finger pointing and normal derby drama, it was pointless..why continue to make myself sick on a regular basis.Jarred wouldn't want me to live my life like this. He loved life, and being happy, and those around him. My husband use to beg me to give up derby, just smile again, just be happy..

I use to walk in that rink and instantly get sick. I wanted to either crap myself or throw up, I was more worried about being in trouble for stupid stuff,or what somebody decided they wanted to nitpick about this week, than my skating. I couldn't live like that anymore. I was going to quit anyway, literally, the day I was terminated, I slept until 5 minutes before I was to leave before practice, rolled over, looked at the clock and said "why bother, why make yourself more miserable" but my stubborn streak kicked in and I decided I would resign, not just be a call in quitter. I was terminated before I got that chance. I just wish it would have been on my own terms..The way they went about it is what pissed me off. What made me bitter, made me dwell on it.

But i'm not gonna point fingers, i'm not gonna rehash every single thing that ever went on in the course of a year.We don't have that much room here, and if we went to finger pointing, i'd have to point fingers in all different directions, including myself,it wouldn't be copacetic.

You never ever forget anyone you completely destroy, conversely, you never ever forget anyone who attempts to completely destroy you. But you learn from it.You can take 1 of 2 paths in life after a lesson like that, you can become bitter and embroiled, or you can become a compassionate, giving human being.

When I first founded GCRG, I did so for my love of derby, but it became apparent that was not an ideal situation, and we left that rink, due to very similar situations/personalities as my first team.When we started at our second rink, I was still shell shocked, still scared, still closed off to my girls. I suspected everybody of everything. It was all I knew of derby..that everyone was a suspect..

I think the first derby person who got through to me, had her work cut out for her. I love her for that, and I owe her quite a bit,nothing you can place a monetary value on, but through her friendship she has renewed my faith in the goodness of people.I started opening my eyes to people in general and saw nothing but good, hardworking honest to goodness friends surrounding me.I stopped warily looking at everybody through the peepholes of the protective walls I had built up around myself.
I gave up,I gave up trying to be guarded, and reserved and I gave up my bitterness.
But,I didn't "give up" per se,I just realized I don't need certain people and their crap and drama in my life anymore.

I gave up on them.

Because I forgave them,and I forgave myself for being an idiot and acting like a moron. I stopped beating myself up over everything, and just let it go. You can't come to terms with what you don't understand.
I've forgiven and worked past every crap thing that went on there,and every crap thing I said in response.

(Sometimes life just feels like endless repetitions of High School)

Because they were a stepping stone, without everything I learned there, I wouldn't be an effective and efficient Owner.

Because they made me stronger,I see now that not only do I have worth, I recognize the girls who are coming in to our program who have struggles and am better able to be there for them.

Because as I have said before,you should never regret anything, because it's exactly what you want at the time.

Had I not put up with the pain of all that loss and misery, I wouldn't be who I am now, with the friends and love and support I have surrounding me.

I don't cry anymore. Not over derby anyway.

I don't second guess anything about myself anymore.Except what stupid thing to wear, and maybe why my feet are independent of my brain.More importantly, I don't second guess my friends and their motives.

I treat my girls,my dearest friends, with compassion,and as equals. As I have said before, and will continue to say,you don't know what battles they are fighting in life, away from the rink. You may need them to lean on yourself someday, it sucks if you get knocked off your high horse, and you can't go back for help because you burned the bridge behind you.

I don't spend all my time in the bar anymore, partyin' hard and heavy trying to drown away my pain and grief. It only makes what ever demons your trying to hide from, all the more determined to get you.

So, in every sense of the words,I really have put it behind me. They made me more determined,the tears dried up, I have great girls I skate with now,had I stayed for more misery,i'd be still crying,still sick all the time,and I would never have the opportunity I have now to own my own rink. My man says "you found your smile again.." Had I stayed, I may not ever have found it.

I ran into one of the girls from my old team a few days ago. She said to me as she hugged me "It's good to see you happy, with a smile, cause your really scary when your unhappy..you radiate evil."

I literally had to bark laugh at that..

So to my first team..I thank you for everything you've helped shaped me to become now. To quote the song "Makes me that much stronger,makes me work that much harder, makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter"

Do I want ya'll to succeed?

Yes I do...

Yeah I know what I said when I left, but that was then,this is now. Because if ya'll succeed,then we succeed,it means derby has a place in this area.

You've worked and trained hard, you deserve success.

Good luck in your season opener ladies...

You girls will rock it..I just know it.

So in conclusion,

I survived, not just my first team experience, but losing Jarred at the bottom of the river, and damn near losing my freaking mind with grief,I am all the better for it. I learned to function again,I am strong, stronger than I even knew, I think.

Everybody else..I leave you with something found written on Jarred's wall the day after he died..

"Smile..your alive!!"

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


My experience in derby has been primarily as a blocker. I think i'm better at it then jamming. I really like working with the pack to block up the jammer, it's so much fun. If I try jamming, it's like my heart is gonna pop out of my chest! I don't know if it's because of excitement, panic, or being out of shape lol. I love being a blocker because it's exciting to take someone down and laugh about it with eachother as we get back up from the ground. In my experience as a rollergirl, it's always been a friendly game where we take eachother out and give a lil spank on the ass, a lil wrestling around and we're back to our objective which is score points or prevent points from being scored.

I gotta give credit to jammers though! DAMN GIRLS! there are 5 chicks gunning it toward you and if your blockers don't have your back, you are on your own! It's a tough and very important role. Although if it weren't for the blockers, some jammers would be roadkill. If you don't have good blockers, then you leave your jammer defenseless, and if your jammer is crazy fast, one good solid hip check can send them flying because of the momentum. Blockers can be pretty amazing! They have to multi-task to get the jammer through the pack WHILE blocking anyone trying to block your up your jammer, you're having to whip your jammer, block the chick coming after her amd then block the opposing team's jammer.

Everyone is important to eachother's sucess in the bout, and ... it's a fun, rewarding experience that will stick with you for a lifetime. Something to tell the grand-kids one day, so take plenty of pictures of your hey-day as a rollergirl!

-Destructo Dolly

Looking for a team to join? Hit up www.renegaderollergirlssocal.com for info!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Suff-Her the Consequence

My word is all I have......my pride stands by my side and my pure Passion fuels the fire of my desire.....all this combined equals a very misunderstood player......my passion is mistaken for anger on a daily......I have fought all my life not to let all the "numb" $h!* get the best of me......

March 6th, 2010......another sold out event for FMDG.......1700 fans in the stands but nobody truly knowing what to do........Pick your battles wisely....well this one picked me.......I choose to follow through.....it was beyond you .....beyond me.......Now I will never kiss and tell.....names are not important.......Its the mistake I made that you as a skater can learn from.......

A little bit of passion ok maybe alot.....add a power trip....4 visits to the penalty box and one statement Karmic Recall 911 your outta here......I snapped.......seconds later 4 of my top blockers were on top.......one scared ref on the bottom....... and me stuck in the middle of my pride and passion.......equalled one fine disaster......

no matter what ladies.....what is said .....what is done........don't ever loose your cool.....cause no matter the story........or situation........in the end who's gonna look like the fool?????

I stand by mine.....and everything I believe........I am the responsible party so now i must bleed......I will take my punishment .......for i caused this disaster .....I'm not the only one who is affected ........but also remind your volunteers.......your zebras.....anyone who is pimping out your team t-shirt that its not only the skater that is representing your league....... it is all who is involved .......now 2 wrongs don't make aright and nothing .....i mean nothing on the rink is worth that fight!!!!!!!

I'm not proud of my mistake ....(that's probably why its called a mistake right).....nor am I ashamed........remember in the end all you have is your name!!!!

I would like to send out a personal apology for any inconvenience that this has caused to my league........and to my fans.......This was by far intentional ......I am facing discipline actions as we speak........I would also like to ask anyone that is from Fargo or went to this particular bout......Please have the courtesy to leave the names out!!!!!!! T H A N K S

Much Derby Love

Thursday, March 4, 2010

in the middle

the only thing i can write about right now is what i am in the middle of. i haven't had much sleep this week. i'm in the middle of tying up the last few details for the SSRG gig we are putting on tomorrow night to party in the new season. i accidentally booked a band from the US on monday, cause a festival got cancelled and they were wandering around not knowing what to do with their saturday night, i'm sure. no big deal for you guys over there, but australia is very far away from other places, and i haven't done this before. seem to like a challenge though, "thrive on it" - the stress the low, the high, the super-tension - as Ruby Ribcrusher put it. it's all tunnel vision from when i decide on the crazy scheme until it's over. just little windows of light every now and then from the people who are in it with me.
i am in the middle of making sure our first bout, in a weeks time, comes together.
i'm in the middle of insomnia week.
in the middle of ch-ch-changing again.
in the middle of another unproductive stage of pre-event pulling-off.
still on the outside of why i put mental blocks on myself for getting some things done.
maybe there would be no brakes otherwise and i would never even slow down.
i am again, in the middle of the realisation that asking for help needs to be done, needs to be done before you need the help. one day that one will sink in.
i am in the middle of the fantasy of just turning up and skating - always want want we can't have.
oh! now i'm in the middle of licking the butter and honey residue off my breakfast plate.
i'm in the middle of thinking of things that i would request on my rider if i was in a band (green textas and sumo suits)
now i'm in the middle of thinking i really need to get my shortlist of Things To Do on the 5th of March (it ends with pleasure, don't worry) out of the way, so that i can go to work and make that money i apparently need to survive and buy new wheels with.
in the middle of the lunacy, the ridiculum, that is The Red Death Show.
come to the freekin Zoo for Nashville Pussy, Gentle Ben + Sensitive Side, Medicine Show + lil Sue Ray tomorrow night.
are we allowed to plug?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I think i'm off...

'cause last weeks blog was pretty much about what everybody is talkin' about this week.

In a manner of speaking.


So all this talk of rainbows, has me wondering, how do we combine all these colors of the rainbow successfully, without all the colors turning into the lovely color of mud.

Goes back to last weeks subject, respect, but it also goes deeper than that.

True, as Dolly and Karma have said before me, derby takes all sorts, I want to elaborate on that a bit.

It takes all sorts emotionally, socially, intellectually, as well as physically to make up a good solid strong team.

We have the really beautiful girls, we have heavy girls we have slow skating girls, we have girls who struggle, we have girls who kick ass. We have the girls who just wanna wear the cool clothes but not really do much else.I think I am the only one who looks like a derby freak..heh..

All of these girls have a place with us. Every last one of them..derby is not just about the skating, it's about so much more..it's a huge production, with many "stagehands" needed..

But, with anything.. communication is key, respect is a must.

If you don't understand something.. communicate. If someone has hurt your feelings, communicate.If you need more time to master something, open your mouth....but do it in a respectful manner..as you would wish to be treated..

For GCRG, we stress to each and everyone of our girls, right when they come in for newbie orientation "derby is hard, derby can break you...I can't tell you how many times I have left practice in tears and swore I would never come back..but I always did..and once derby is in your blood.. you will always come back as well.. and we want you back..you have a home here with us.. this is your family, these are your derby sisters"

We have girls who are super emotional.. we have girls who cry, (I use to do it alot when I was on my first team..while I dried it up, I know how hard it is for them to come in and face people you don't know, and feel you are made entirely of suck.. so that's when the tears start flowing.) We have girls who are our motivators..we have our shy withdrawn ones...as I said, it literally takes all kinds, emotionally, socially, intellectually and physically.

But I am getting off task, so I will leave you with something I want you to ponder..

Not everybody was raised the same, not everybody has a "filter" on their mouth and on their brain, most times that filter comes with age, some of us are in tip top shape, some of us are old fat mommies. Some of us are slow, some of us are fast,some of us look like we need a sandwich, some of us are chunky monkeys...some of us are poor..some of us have money..but not one of us is better than anyone else. Some of us just may not be living up to our full potential. If you see that person that isn't, help them.. don't dismiss them, don't make assumptions about them, or talk about them.. they are your derby sisters, outside of the rink, you have no idea what kind of battle they are fighting in life..so don't make the rink another war zone for them...

Listen to them not only with your ears, but with your head, and with your heart..

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Derby doesn't Judge

I find the most appealing thing about derby is that anyone that has the desire to do it can do it. As long as you want to try, you can do it. Roller Derby is a rainbow of different shapes and colors and it's a beautiful thing to see. Roller derby doesn't care about your sexual preference, your wieght, your height, your color, your age, religion, political views or the money in your pocket. If you can and want to do it, then you're in! It's that simple.

I was always a very athletic girl throughout high school and the first 2 years of college. Like I said in a prior blog, I gained 40 pounds after! OMG!! So after that, I felt like I'm done for, I'm huge, I feel like a baluga whale, I just ate an entire pizza, I get tired going up a flight of stairs, I can't even tie my shoe without feeling all out of breath...you get the idea, I felt like I couldn't be active because I felt that my body just wouldn't let me, one jumping jack and i'm ready to quit. When I ran into derby, I noticed that as long as you can skate, you can play derby, the rest just comes to you with practice. I have to say, after the initial back pain went away from not using ANY muscle in my body for a few years, I was impressed with myself. Not only was I actually sticking to some type of "fitness" regime, I wasn't too bad at it either and it's shit loads of fun!

In my derby experience, i've grown to understand that inner strength is much more important then physical strength. If you have the drive and determination, you can most definately rock the rink!

In a society where we are judged on a daily basis for so many things, or when we see the beautiful celebrities with perfect bodies and we judge ourselves, It is refreshing that in all that, roller derby has never judged you. In the eyes of roller derby, we are all beautiful and strong!

I believe Karma said it best "ALL IS WELCOME...... and to be able to say that or be a part of that is to be a part of true history......" I totally dig that! Derby for me has been an array of open arms and helping hands along the way! It's given me inner and outer strength and confidence in myself I didn't have for a long time. I've gained friends, sisters and skills that I wouldn't have if it weren't for roller derby. Roller Girls are eclectic, we are all different...we have different careers, families, interests, some are punk, goth, girls next door, career women, mothers, grandmothers, rocker chicks, skater chicks, betties, jocks, cholas, you name it! and the best part is, it reallly doesn't matter because that is what makes roller derby so unique...we all come together to play this awesome sport!
Roller derby means something to everyone playing, otherwise we wouldn't be putting ourselves out there for nothing.

I love this rainbow of women and that pot of gold at the end called roller derby...

That's all for today folks!
Loves & Shoves,
Destructo Dolly

-Looking for a team to join? hit up www.renegaderollergirlssocal.com for info!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Embrace The Rainbow

All my life have I been in search of equality.....in appreciation for all living and breathing beings......the day that size, race, or appearance is not what we choose to judge an individual on.....we as society have been brain washed into thinking that those models in magazines is what is considered "beautiful"...... and if you are not that .......or you did not wear a certain brand of clothing or shoes......we were nothing......all i can say.....is take a good look at me now world.......take a good look at my fellow derby girls......we are and am and always have been beautiful.....and now we are taking over the world.......derby style baby.....so thank you .......for fueling my fire and making me to be the best derby girl i can be......

One of the many reasons I fell in love with rollerderby.......with roller girls..... is because this is one sport that all those superficial things don't play a part.....you don't have to be a giant (NBA)..... you don't have to be able to hit a ball far (MLB).......you don't have to be ripped (NFL/WWF).....I'm pretty sure you get my point.......

I remember thinking to myself what a beautiful opportunity to represent all shapes ....all sizes......everyone being there own individual.....I need to be a part of this phenomenon......this is definitely where i belong........it is the first time in my life i feel i belong....i have many things that i can thank for rollerderby has played such a big role in my life ......it has taught me very important things in my life.....and i can also thank myself because it takes massive commitment to go far in derby........

I have and am judged on a daily basis......i would like to call it being misunderstood on a daily........but this sport is for the misunderstood......its for the moms that need to release.....its for the doctor that doesn't know how to let go of the day..... its my therapy.......I have sacrificed many important things in my life for rollerderby....... but i have considered it to be an investment......its a family that i have longed for all my life ......and i know in my heart that i am not doing all this for nothing .......that i did not leave my family for a pipe dream........that i did not leave my friends just to be........I am totally a slave to the rainbow that is considered rollerderby......to the equality that i have been able to be lucky enough to be a part of........with out all the sizes and colors of the rainbow .......rollerderby would just be another sport......that is what makes us different from every other sport.......ALL IS WELCOME...... and to be able to say that or be a part of that is to be a part of true history......

Much Derby Love

Respect is simply one of many lessons learned while playing roller derby

Roller derby has made me a better person in many ways, and one of those ways is constantly reminding me that I need to respect ... everything, always. I need to respect my league, my fellow team mates, my coaches, my refs, my fans, the game, my equipment, my body, my health, my time, my life. If I stop respecting any one of those things this awesome thing called roller derby becomes not so much fun anymore, as other things get in the way.

I make sure to constantly check myself and make sure I am respecting all of this, because it all so awesome, and nothing lasts forever!!

Kali Katt