I am not a particularly religious person, other than being Irish Catholic..but tonight I found myself so conflicted over something ..I turned to my dear friend Peg again for counseling..
She gave me this..
Ecclesiastes 3
There's a Right Time for Everything
There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
It's troubled me greatly, the way things have transpired. It's also troubled me the things, that people I once held in such high regard, have taken to saying/posting about me, sometimes based on conjecture, sometimes based on fact,sometimes based on their own perceived notions, and how they have their mindset already,sometimes just twisted facts and on occasion a fantastic combination of all of the above...and it bothers me how I have reacted to these things....it doesn't make me proud of myself at all..
There is a season for everything. Some people are meant to be your friend forever, and some people are meant to be your friend for only a season..and when that season is over.. so is the friendship. It doesn't matter if they are your friend for their own purposes, or your their friend for your own purposes, when the seasons change, your left empty, but a valuable lesson learned. You are forever enriched by having them in your life, if even for that brief season of your life.
I've reached the point of "I want a few close friends and the rest can go on their way" -because I don't "NEED" people anymore.I know who I am. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and while I like some people, a great deal of em actually.. I've learned that I want people of integrity and quality in my life,and the others - are my "acquaintances", not friends.
Friends, true friends, people who truly know you, at your very core, and know who you are, and what you stand for..wouldn't resort to caving into the "mob mentality".The "mob mentality" is just that..people often do and believe things merely because many other people directly surrounding them, do and believe the same things,"the probability of any individual adopting it increasing with the proportion who have already done so". As more people come to believe in something, even if it is hearsay,causes others to also "hop on the bandwagon" regardless of the underlying evidence. The tendency to follow the actions or beliefs of others can occur because individuals directly prefer to conform, to fit in with the people they are surrounded by."Mob Mentality" will quickly form when people decide to ignore their personal information signals (intuition, gut instinct) and follow the behavior of others.Actually,"jump on the bandwagon" is now used as a derogatory term, implying that people are associating themselves with the anticipated success without considering what they associated themselves with.
Conversely,because it's bothered me so much, the things that people that have recently referred to me as their friend, have taken to saying, my sharp tongue lashes out with intent to kill...out of hurt...It saddens me that women I once enjoyed a great rapport with..slowly change due to their prolonged exposure to the "mob mentality". They are in the "Let's Attack!" phase. They use the trash talking as a way to bond with each other.
But what happens when there is no longer a "me" to trash? The "mob" will need a new target. If I wasn't safe.. nobody is. It's just a matter of time before the seasons change again.Keep in mind, your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even truly know you, but they think they do.Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness,ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!!Those who gossip with you will gossip about you !!
If a person can't stand up and say.. "look, this is wrong,you may have had a problem with so and so for this or that,but that's between ya'll, keep it that way and talk to them about it.. but as for me, I don't, and don't drag me in it!" Then you don't need that kind of person in your life. It comes down to a question of what kind of character do you have. Do you follow the current cool kids du jour, or do you make a stand?
Ultimately,you have to behave by whatever your set of ethics is. Do as your conscience dictates.
Tell me - if two people are wrestling in the mud - who comes out cleanest? Neither.Both get covered in mud.But sometimes - you just walk away and let the other person stand in the mud puddle yelling at you. The thing is - its normal to want to hurt someone back when they hurt you. I am the Queen of this, I even have a crown.I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.Sometimes when I'm angry, and I have the right to be angry, it doesn't give me the right to be an asshole. One of my worst faults is, (aside from shooting off my mouth when someone has hurt me..)..When someone tells me something about myself it can be hard to hear...my initial reaction is to want to say, "yeah..but you do this..". The thing is...when I do that, I don't address my own behavior. In every criticism,there is always at least of nugget of truth I can take from it,sometimes I have to dig a bit.. and sometimes.. its a huge chunk..
Drama. That is yet another grossly over used word. Look at what drama has given us - plays, TV, movies. Drama is part of life. Drama itself is not "bad" - it is how drama is used that is bad. How it is processed and presented. Or how you perceive it yourself.In the future, ask yourselves, whenever you see someone behaving in what you perceive as drama, before you write them off..what could possibly cause them to behave like that? What's the core issue that started it? Many times, what is perceived as "drama" is merely a reaction to other peoples poorly thought out actions or words. Or even other peoples lack of action, (This goes back to thinking outside of the "mob mentality" and making a stand for what you think is right, or stating your opinion when something's wrong. Ignoring something doesn't make a problem go away, it exacerbates it.)..Those words or actions can wound, or hurt, or cause general hate or discontent...and reactions are normal. Hell, sometimes what your seeing is just somebody doing a little house cleaning, a little taking care of business. That's what happens when your in charge, your left with the crap jobs nobody else wants to do..or you have to make decisions that cause controversy...and if and when it all goes belly up..guess who's in the line of fire...the girl who had to do the housecleaning. The girl who had to make the hard decisions. Life is not all stars and lobsters.If something's amazing, it won't be easy. If it's easy, it won't be amazing. If it's worth it, don't give up. If you give up, then you were not worthy.
All I know is, I have to live by the standards I've set for myself - but I can't expect others to live by my standards.It's ludicrous to expect people to..
True friends, can always work out their issues,reach out and try to right a wrong or talk about things before it erupts in a negative fashion,they don't turn their back on each other. They also don't let foolish pride stand in the way..
True friends don't jump on the bandwagon to be accepted..they don't rag on people just because it's the thing to do. They don't perpetuate the discontent... they don't keep slinging mud just to have something to say, to try to endear themselves to the rest of the "Mob", to bond with them..nobody is impressed, and it really just shows your true nature.
If you encounter people like that in your life,then they really can't fall in the true friend category.
To everything there is a season...
The Season has changed..it's time to put this chapter away, take what I have learned from it and shape it into a useful lesson to remind myself of how far I have come, and how far I have left to go, and thank the stars for my good fortune of the friends who have so staunchly stood by me,picked me up by my skate laces and dusted my knee pads off and accepted me for me, faults and all..and loved me for it..and to never again let those who didn't, bother me with their reproaches,and unkind words.. because I am still the same person I was 3 weeks ago.The girl you greeted warmly, and smiled and joked with... Just because certain people have decided they don't like me anymore or even find a reason to find fault with a decision that was made and then yet others decide to go follow "the mob".. doesn't mean I have changed, grown horns and a pointed tail, and suddenly started dancing in the moonlight with a goat. You don't contract "the plague" simply from knowing me...
"A right time to hold on and another to let go,"
I am letting go.
But holding on fast, tight and hard to derby....
Look for a BIG announcement shortly...about a massive multi group effort!!! I FRIKKIN LOVE ROLLER DERBY!!
