i'm still a bit sore - more my ego than my body - although it STILL SORTA HURTS TO CHEW CHEWY STUFF!! but it's not like we lost by a hundred points or anything..a mere 98 points! hah! nothin!
lost my shit a bit after the game. a year of a half worth of emotional stress and mental stress and physical stress and that regular stress, made some big crack spilled out as some yelling...real loud. i silenced a room, and then got really embarrassed, and then realised i need to take a break and address a few things.

so i'm taking a bit of a break until i feel like it.
that's the entirety of the plan.

i HAVE got a couple of awesome and SSRG complete tee shirt design images trying to get out of this image-maker skull of mine though. YES!

i didn't get to out-eat pancakes anyone after wards. sad face. i was upset. Ruby Footcrusher and i went home, with a bottle of wine (or was that...SEVERAL..?), sara-lee sticky date pudding, milo ice cream and some soul baring OH!

the fog of a weeks worth of fucking fucked upish and down and down and upish and down and down of depression is lifting.
i'm realising that i don't HAVE TO play rollerderby, i don't have to be at every single training and help in every single way i can and play every single bout and ignore most other facets of my life in order to keep that up. but i might still, but knowing that if we broke up, it wouldn't be the end of the world is giving me a sense of clarity that i haven't felt in a long time.
i still love you roller derby, i just need a bit of space, i feel like we're growing in different directions, it's not you, it's me...we can still be friends...xoxoxo sad, but hopeful and relieved face

The JackRabbit Knee Bendery Lesson

Goal:Speed!!

We have always been told GET LOW! But why? I dunno. Just Do it.Nobody ever explained exactly WHY, we just were ordered to do it.. We always assumed it was to make ourselves smaller targets for blockers, like bullriders and bulls, skaters standing up are "more to gore", getting low never made any sense to me other than crouching down and looking like i'm hovering over a state park toilet trying not to make contact. I always looked at it the wrong way. When I got low, I simply stood up,paused for a sec and then skated off, it wasn't until Jackrabbit Slams explained to to me like this..

"When you stand up to skate, you mostly use your hip abductors (the muscles on the outside of the hip) and your ankles/calves (resulting in nasty-ass shin splints). While there's nothing wrong with these muscle groups, they're not as efficient for providing speed in relation to the effort expended.

When you crouch, your bent legs act as coiled springs, storing a lot of energy. you know how you crouch before you do a big jump? Exactly the same thing. when you kick out with that bent leg you give out a lot more power to propel you forward, because you're using your quads and other large muscles. While it hurts a damn lot to stay crouched for a long time, those muscles will build up fairly quickly and allow you to maintain the posture and speed for longer. This position is actually more efficient than standing up because it gives you more power in your kicks for the work expended.

So get down a little bit more than usual, dig into the track and LAUNCH yourself with a strong kick. Try this for a lap and see the difference."

Oh.. so now ima big ass spring ...

Ass Spring..

gonna eat more pancakes than yooooou

bout#2 tomorrow! did i mention that we lost the last one? probably not at the time due to some pride thing, true though and fortunate, don't want to peak too early i say!
 i'm all for losing, occasionally,  it gives you a good kick up the arse. for example, if we hadn't lost the last game, there is a 94% chance that i wouldn't have been doing sit-ups while listening to coach talk in between drills at training on Monday, a 76% chance that i would have visited the bakery for pie yesterday when my boss got pie and filled the office with the smell of delicious pie and i'm not going to go into any percentages on the reason that i had cake for breakfast the day before yesterday, but let's just say there's probably a zero in there somewhere...yeah that's right.
apparently i don't get nervous anymore though, despite me freaking out about 6 months ago because i actually had the chance to think about it, now that i've gotten used to the size of our crowds and having time and space, nervousness is like some sort of thing reserved for...uh...something that i just don't seem to be doing right now. i'm still excited, i still want to kick the arse, but i already know how much of my behind will be on display, that the crowd really like the other team more than mine, oh how they will roar if little Rose or Cookie get me down and that even though i might think i'm going to lose the cool that i have the disillusion of possessing, i'm not very likely to. 
so bring it on Liquorice Short Shorts and all your freekin cheering, cheering fans - bring it the fuck on! (and i can totally eat more pancakes than all of you combined afterwards anyway suckers....that's a good thing yeah? YEAH!)

Kick-Ass! the Guest Blog Spot by Jackrabbit Slams

So, i've got alot going on with me this week, my Dad's in the hospital and being an only child, I get to make all the decisions..and I am suffering from sheer exhaustion..

So I turn things over to that giant rollergirl we all know and love,(besides me) Jackrabbit Slams.


KICK-ASSSSSSSSSSS!!!

fancy underpants over fancy tights. check.
nickname that describes exactly how badly you'll mess someone up. check.
outlandish hair and makeup. check.

what other sport would let you have a to-do list exactly like a justice-league wannabe
without laughing you off the court? Roller derby is an exceptional hybrid of sport and
spectacle, like hockey meets vaudeville in a mosh pit at a nascar rally. Jennie Finch can't
claim to be a genetically engineered supervixen without getting some weird looks from
people, and the Williams sisters would most likely lose a few endorsement deals if they
started wearing ripped fishnets and purple mohawks. Derby gives normally restrained girls a
chance to step out of the confines of their normal life, slip on a new identity, and rock out for
a few hours. Secret identities and alter-egoes are another side to the retinue of training,
practice and off-skates conditioning that usually gets more attention nowadays. As a total
nerd, I loved the character bios of skaters on my local league's website, and I often offered
to write them for girls who couldn't come up with their own. This is a unique sport, more raw
than professional wrestling, but far more over the top than rugby, lacrosse, field hockey or
football. It skates a beautiful, self-parodying line between theater and athletics, and I
wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how many decimal points WFTDA tacks on to
their ruleset, no matter how many girls choose to let the announcers stumble over their real
last names during intros, and no matter how many uniforms become simple jerseys and
running shorts, there will be other girls out there screenprinting naughty things on booty
shorts, applying too much eyeshadow in livid colors, and brawling it up for the hell of it--
willing to be the Kick-Ass to the "legit" girls' Captain America.

It Takes a Villiage to Raise a League......

Rollerderby has its many pros and cons....its soley up to you and what you are willing to sacrifice.....is this just an expensive hobby....or are you working towards a goal.....as a new league my advice to you .....keep your line of communication open at all times......it really does take communication to make anything truly happen......

I have been lucky enough to be a part of some pretty amazing leagues throughout my derby career.....stretching from north Dakota to san Antonio Texas baby......the main problem that all have shared would be the lack of communication.....or the way they choose to communicate for that matter......communication is like a foundation of a house......without a strong and sound foundation its only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down......

In order to have a successful league you must welcome change....if the rules you established doesn't seem to be working.....change them up.....for you newer leagues don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance from a sister league .....don't stop at just one league ask as many as you possibly can.....you will find that you are welcomed with open arms.....

In creating your league you must create the rules and the regulations that everyone must follow.....now being on the many different leagues......they all had a few of the same problems.......one of them being "exceptions to the rules" now really ladies did you go through all that trouble of creating the rules just so you don't have to follow them....and if so don't be mad when others don't follow them either......remember you as a board member have a responsibility to implement the rules even if you don't agree with them.....your league is going to go through a ton of tests but if you just stick to the rules you will find there will be no lies for anyone to hide behind....if you don't follow your own rules how do you expect anyone else to......

This brings me to a phrase "power trip" don't act like y'all don't know...this includes the players as well as the refs........in my eyes this besides jealousy which i think goes hand and hand with power trips is one of the most ugliest things you will have to go through.....if you don't nip it in the bud it will only get worse.....i feel in order to have a successful league everyone should be on the same page....there should be no such thing as sides......if problems should arise and they will......fix them.......fix them together.....if there is a common goal ......everyone has the right to know about them......

Equality......you are no better than I.....I am no better than you ...no one should be judged on there skill levels.....everyone must follow the appropriate steps in order to participate...this also goes for the refs......if you take the time out to watch the RAT CITY rollergirls documentary they say it best....."the refs and volunteers and your venue are here to assist the league they are affiliated with"......not walk around with a god complex like they are above and beyond your league....mostly referring to the refs at this point.......you allow your refs to think they are above and beyond rules and regulations you will soon find trouble.....lets face it there the ones that can control "the bouts" if you allow them to think like that .....then don't be upset when they do it.......you need to remind them they are here for you and your league......not the other way around..... your leagues best interest should always be number one......let them know that y'all appreciate them for there sacrifices also but they also have rules they need to follow......a code of conduct if you may.......stop the power trips.......before it gets out of hand......

I would personally like to thank the refs that work with their leagues .....not against them......the refs that don't carry personal issues on the rink......the refs that have good intentions towards the bouts......the refs that help squash problems not cause them.......thank you thank you thank you ......not to mention the volunteers and the venues........it truly takes a village to raise a league........

jealousy's a great big MF

jealousy is my LEAST FAVOURITE feeling. i'm aware of it, but can't control it. i know it's bad, but i can do very little about it, i HATE feeling not in control of myself and i feel all gnarled up and queasy inside like the bad guy looks in movies like Sin City and Lord of the Rings.
right now i'm jealous of another league in my dear city who are putting on a bout in the city tomorrow night, and not a half hour or forty five minute drive away in the sticks at all, like every other bout that's happened in Brisbane. in fact this bout is happening a TEN MINUTE WALK from my house. i could jog there to warm up, forget my mouthguard, jog back and still be kickin it convenience-wise.
it's a bit of a sore spot. they are going to have a massive crowd and all of my friends will go because it's not very far away and then everyone will love them more than me and my league and they will become the rulers of the known universe. so the more i think this out as to how i can describe it to other people, the less shit i feel about it, because it is all actually inconsequential to SSRG. it is just the natural competitive nature of a naturally competitive girl, right?
i would like though to be really, genuinely hoping that it goes really well for them, because part of me hopes that it doesn't and that makes me feel like an a-hole, i guess because it sort of makes me one. but i'm being honest. i could go on about histories and past bouts and a whole lot of bullshit about why my league should be the ones in the city getting all the attention, but none of it matters, and it pretty much all boils down to my angry little ego.

so with any luck when i make my Go Raspberry Bullets! and Go Bonnie Bang Bang! signs and put on my most uncomfortable shoes, which i can totally get away with on the TEN MINUTE WALK and resentfully pay my regular pleb ticket price and get in there with the rest of the crowd, the derby buzz will take over and i will scream "POWERJAM!!!" like the maniac that i am, and try to start Mexican waves and heckle the refs and walk out really fucking happy that i can now watch my favourite sport, comin' to me live, only a TEN MINUTE WALK away from my house - just as i should be


...they might wanna hope they don't run into me in the carpark afterwards though


...not that i'll be waiting...

I love my skates

So as I go through my bag of derby goodies, skates, tape, pads, socks...I think to myself geez, this shit sure is old! My skates are falling apart and they are held together by hot pink duct tape. I need new laces because mine are all shredded. The toe guard is almost non-existant on the left foot which I deemed my "fuck you foot" because it's the foot I use to slide around and land on when I fall. and the smell is putrid! ha ha

I want new skates but I can't seem to bring myself to buy new ones...I don't know why. I don't know if it's the money, or the sentiment...(by the way Deb our team captain has skates and derby equipment for great prices so hit her up :) ) I love that my skates are old and beaten to a pulp! I couldn't bear to buy new skates and see them get ripped to shreds but at some point I guess I'm gonna have to.

Am I a creature of habit? Will I be on that Horders show?? I still have the same yucky mouthguard from over a year ago and I saw nice ones at Walmart for $3!!!! and I STILL didn't get it! If I can spend so much money on food, why can't I spare $3 for a mouthguard?? I have braces, so this should be important to me...weird...

blood, thunder, NZ, wine

as the post-bout karaoke got better and better (worse and worse?) Cannibal Cookie summed it allllllll up "...i love roller derby, it's a worldwide network of people who don't give a fuck"

from the penalty box

i got friends all over the world now. there was this girl, let's call her "Maggie" she was over from the States, travelling around our big island nation in our far away hemisphere and she pops up in Brisbane town needing a place to stay and she get's one, for 2 weeks, wife included, cause she plays derby. oh it's a beautiful thing!
when i retire, i plan to travel the world being led by the invitations of the derby sorority. see how far that gets me. i would like to go to Spain and Japan.

(upon further investigation: Japan NEVER STOPPED playing roller derby! but maybe they ain't quite WFTDA though - a "roller derby Spain" search led to

a link to a dating site that was actually an ad for a flight centre...i think. due to my inherit lack of interest in researching anything i could end up freekin anywhere. joy!)


i went to NEW ZEALAND last week! Blood & Thunder 4 day training camp. i came back a new derby girl.

lower! LOWER!!!!

1 - i grew up in the country, nature girl here misses her trees but forgets to leave the city on a regular basis so that she can magically re-centre and energise just from seeing all the greenery - NZ is BEAUTIFUL.
2 - week off work - fucking HOORAY
3 - the skate rink was freekin 20 metres from the beach! fucking GLORIOUS
4 - i did a jump turn on a half pipe!!!!! (highlight of trip)
5 - oh and i got really good training from some really good coaches and players.

i realised that i've become pretty complacent skating with the same old crew every week. being a good derby player is hard work, but it gets to a

point where you are kinda going through the motions. being a kick-arse, other-derby-girl-impressin', game-changing, violent goddess of rolling shoes is not something you can sit around day-dreaming about if you ever hope to live it. i'm back on the intense train of pushing it after seeing some really impressive skaters.

i spent most of day 1 trying to figure out if Suzy Hotrod from Gotham was wearing some sort of butt-enhancer. no, she "works out". i started thinking that the training was mostly aimed at an intermediate sort of level, but for me (feeling a little advanced) i really got to solidify techniques and felt like a i got a lot of "icing on the cake" err so to speak. by which i mean, while i felt like a knew a lot of what was being taught already, there were all these teensy tips and tricks and strategies, that were i a newer skater, probably wouldn't have meant much, and all added up so that by the end, and back at SSRG scrimmage last night, i was brimming with derby education...oh no...it's getting all over the floor! i'm dripping the knowledge all over the kitchen guys, sorry, watch your step!



it's all a bit too mammoth to go into right here right now, but let me tell you: Quadzilla has cool as fuck gold-plated plates (oh and some okay moves i guess;), Carmen Getsome (also from Rat City) is an amazing derby machine. Head ref Hanging Chad (where's he from? i don't know) is the ultimate in knowledge, temperament and assurance.

aw, goodbye signing of the polka dot dress

morning after camp...
Ladykiller: how's you're groin?
Kinky Rinky: it hurts. how's your groin?
Ladykiller: it hurts
Rouge: it reeeally hurts when i cough! waaaaaaaaaaaah!

so me n Ladykiller n Kinky Rinky then drove across beautiful, but nauseating mountain ranges to hot springs to soak our tired bodies and then we found

a motel and drank delicious, delicious NZ wine......
guys...guys! FUCK! after this bottle...and the next bottle...we've only got like TWO more bottles!!!

In the MEAN Time....

I look at today.......I try to remind myself on what happend in the yesturday..... constinitly working on not counting on tommarow.......trying my best not to drowned in my sorrows.....or hers for that matter......

See its ok to take a "trip" every once and a while.......just as long as you come back......Its not ok to deny the leasons of the past.......I think its alright when you just don't wanna fight anymore......pretty sure hiding behind your lies is not doing you or anybody any good......not that i am one to judge.........just one to observe the truth......

Its not fair.....well guess what its not a carnival either.....we need to get over it "soul sista"......you figure it out......its your battle but its my war......how does that work......no time to ask questions......just in-time to find the answers.....if you dare.....

In the MEAN time i will stand by mine......speak my peace.....and insert foot when needed......In the Mean time i will be loyal to myself......not worry about personal wealth.......green paper is so temporary.......i need to realize that i am wealthy in many other aspects of life.....In the Mean time i must obide by the signs if givin.....even if im spinning....

What would you do in your Mean time??? You keep telling me....there comes a time when words are just words....just what would you do in your Mean Time???? Tag- Now its your turn-

just a thought....
perhaps a little to ponder...
Much Derby Love
Karma: aka-Karmic Recall 911