Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The JackRabbit/Boo Boo Collaboration..

This is a joint venture between Jackrabbit Slams, and Boo Boo LaRue..

I realize this may offend some people..but we both came from WFTDA teams..we are both mutant amazons..this is just how WE feel..

Hey, remember when roller derby was more about strategy and big hits rather than everyone skating as freaking fast as they can?

Yeah, that was fun.

Eff you, Tiny. I'm 6ft2....spend a week skating on stilts with a small child on your back and then you're qualified to tell me how to skate.

If I want help, I will ask. but the first thing out of your mouth had better not be "get low" or the next thing out of your mouth WILL be "oh my god my face, what the hell did you do to my face you psychotic bitch." It's not MY fault that my "get low in the skater position" is basically the same height as you standing upright. I am a mutant amazon. Deal with it. You'll be thanking me when your jamming your tiny ass off and I have cleared a damn path for you like Moses through the Red Sea. My height or my skater position won't matter a damn bit then. Just what's on the scoreboard.

This game needs to be approached from the angle of "what gets people to buy tickets?" because at the end of the day, that's what keeps the league going. Joe Random can spend his Saturday night doing a multitude of different things, so why bother with roller derby if it's just girls going in a circle? Female sports, whoopee. LPGA. Softball. Synchronized swimming. BORING. Roller derby had that weird, punk rock edge to it. It was an anti-sport. It was FUN, and now it's being run by a bunch of teeny tiny athletic chicks with the highschool cheerleader pack mentality who think everyone on the league needs to skate just like them. I DON'T SKATE LIKE YOU, I SKATE LIKE ME!! WHAT WORKS FOR YOU DOESN'T WORK FOR ME!!

That must be one hell of a dimension you live in, but here on earth, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Here's an amazing, earth-shattering revelation: not everyone wants to jam. Not everyone is quick. Stop forcing them to do so and stop shaming them and punishing them when they can't.

When I started skating, roller derby was the most amazing, awesome, life-changing sport I've ever seen. Most days it still is..but I see alot of girls come and go, tears streaming down their face, because they can't skate like "those girls"

I was one of them for the longest time. The tears, the reproaches.

You just gotta find your niche, find your mark, take into account what everybody says in the way of advice, but ultimately find what works best for you, because no one person is going to have the ultimate solution for you.

For me, it was different stoppers, still getting over my glitch from a bad fall, getting away from negativity, and letting someone rent space in my head..

And it's true, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger..or makes you mean as hell...

Here is me demonstrating the proper way to sexually harrass a hot head coach..

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I WENT TO TRAINING!!!!...freshie training, i helped some of the starter-uppers with t-stopping. i liked being on my skates. i liked seeing the people. i liked it when i made the new girls laugh and do baseball slides. i liked how freekin well they can all t-stop with their bad foot.
but then i didn't go to my own scrimmage training last night. i started to stress about it. what urges i might feel and what actions i might take and where that might lead me...ugh. to be perfectly honest, i've really been enjoying my time off. i'm relaxed and doing creative things and taking time to smell the freekin roses - which do NOT smell like a months worth of sweat that never dried out properly - NICE.

BUT i am playing a fun time demo bout for the Northern Rivers Roller Derby in Lismore, they are staring up a league on the very rink i first skated on. and my mum and dad are coming to watch for the first time since i think my 2nd or 3rd bout, like 2ish years ago. oow. not...yell at everyone....too much

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

"Your playing like Betty White.."

I sat here for a few hours, pondering what to write this weeks blog about. Alot of things are on my mind to write about,and I have a veritable cornucopia of subjects to write about, but for some reason I can't sit here and get any of them to form cohesive sentences, and cognitive thoughts. It's just not happening for me tonight.

Blame it on lack of sleep, blame it on my case of "fight or flight or freeze" earlier tonight, blame it on the 50 bajillion things that run through my brain at any given time. I sit here, wide awake at 3:15 am.

How distracted am I? I just realized that for the past hour and a half there has been soft core porn on Showtime, and I havn't even noticed.
Now that I have noticed, if my boobs looked like that..well..i'd keep my top on. I think his Pec muscles are bigger.Really? Who makes all that noise?

I guess this is a short sweet derby blog..that isn't about derby at all.

It's now 5 am...


"My first name is Blarfingarb...spelled L-E-E"
"My last name in Blarfingarb...spelled S-M-I-T-H"

"So your name is Blarfingarb Blarfingarb spelled Lee Smith?"

"Yes..that is correct."

Gawd I love Betty White..her performance on SNL was GENIUS!

Told you i'm all over the map tonight..with not a cohesive thought..

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

ummmmmmmmmmmm...when is a roller derby blog not a roller derby blog?
i've been to the doctor - twice and a lovely Russian lady who took my blood and a psychologist and i went on the ferry and i went out to dinner and ate delicious Thai food and i've been to paradise (thank you p-dawg) but i haven't been to training...

*Waves Hand*... "These aren't the rollergirls your looking for.."

Due to a high metaclorin count in my blood, I am able to use the force to discern between who is a good fit for our team, and who's not.

I am a Jedi Rollergirl.

However, sometimes my metaclorin count is drastically reduced by this thing called Starbucks, and it seriously affects my ability to use the force in these matters.

Did you know I once used the force to open a Jar of Dill Pickles?

Ok seriously.. all BS aside. I am not actually a Star Wars geek, although on occasion, because I am so slow, I feel like a giant AT-AT on the Ice Planet Hoth..

I am actually a Lord of the Rings freak.. but LOTR didn't really fit my analogy here..

What i'm talking about is gut instinct. Intuition. That first knee jerk reaction when you meet someone. If you went with this, the majority of the time, you most likely would save yourself alot of time and heartache and drama.

I have spoken with some of my teammates about this, and they have said the same thing "Had I went with my gut instinct in such and such business/family situation, I would have not had to do this crap job, or put up with this jerkwad" In my particular case, my man, has the instincts of a bargain hunting bridezilla at the Macy's sample sale. Every single time I have not listened to him about a situation, or a person, I have regretted it. He was right about certain people/situations on my first team. He was right about the rink owner and her groupie at the first rink GCRG was at when it was newly formed, but in that case, I heeded his gut feelings, and protected our interests, and we got out of there with our name, colors and everything that belongs to us. When I don't listen to him..I always, ALWAYS regret it.

Rarely do people escape my own gut instinct..or manage to not raise my alarms. I say rarely. But it does happen. I try to convince myself that the reason I am having these feelings is because of things that have been done to, or around me, that have lead me to be a jaded person..but that nagging feeling always wins out.

Events of late have been no exception. Just like I was not a good fit with my first team, invariably you get girls who are not a good fit for your team. It's nothing personal, it just happens. Be it they have issues with the team, or how it's run..or we have issues with their behavior.Just don't drag it out for the sake of being a nice person. Do what you need to do from the get go. Take action.

In order to have a cohesive have to have unity. You have to work together. No one person is better than the other. No one is entitled to special privileges to the point they can repeatedly break rules. If you think that you are such a fantastic skater that you can break rules without consequences, then you have no respect for your teammates. Petty Jealousy has no place in derby. If you are jealous because of someone else's skills, then fine tune your own skills, instead of downing them for theirs. If you can't take constructive criticism, then you have no place in derby either..because derby is a constant learning process. Trying to take over from the inside is not going to ingratiate you to people either. They see it for exactly what it is.

The point to all of this and how does it relates to my metaclorin count? Had I listened to my gut instinct, my intuition when first meeting certain people, we would have been able to save our team alot of drama and heartache these past 2 weeks. Straight across the board..I had a gut instinct about all of the girls we terminated, save for one. She managed to escape my instincts.

After all their raging, and commentary and hateful remarks and mass emails to the team and endless phone calls to people trying to sway opinions..I now see how exasperating I probably was to my old team captain. To an extent. I was never that bad though.

Moral of the story?

Always, ALWAYS trust your gut.. it tends to save you a lot of trouble further on down the line. And when you trust your gut...act upon it..

I will leave you with a few quotes I have found useful this past 2 weeks..

To paraphrase the great Oscar Wilde "The only thing that ever consoles someone for the stupid things they do is the praise they always give themselves for doing them."

"You must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: The stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time. The envious, never."-John Wilmot,The 2nd Earl of Rochester

"If ya'll are so happy where you've gone, shut up and be happy about it, and if ya'll were so miserable where ya came from, then put it out of your damn minds and get on with your lives like we've gotten on with ours." - Coach Diesel Burner-GCRG

"If people would spend half the energy they use being a jackass into the task at hand, they'd be flat unstoppable" - My Mom..

May the force be with you..

Monday, May 3, 2010

Short but Sweet.....Kinda Like me!!!!

To be or not to I forgive and forget so to speak....or do I just get up and leave....Its not in my nature to just give up without a fight......especially if the fight is worth the scar it leaves behind.... for all who is not familiar with my situation at hand....long story short...March 6, 2010.... A cornered cat puts it claws were out and a ref was scratched...(but no blood was shed)...but not before I asked for help....(Not before I went to the captain and the co-captain cant forget about the bench coach) the middle of the game while a referee was playing his own game.....and it was was him against me....and he won....or did he really????

It takes two to fight....cause and effect if you may....What sucks is that this just doesn't affect affects my whole league....I'm not one to take anyone down with me....I am the captain of my own circumstances you I am torn at the heart says one thing and my brain says gut is all messed up and is the tie breaker......I made rollerderby a high priority in my that's my own own down fall....but i will forever stand bi mine.....and am loyal to those who are loyal to me....and there happens to be more loyal to me than anyone can see and for that I thank thee......

So here I broken heart and I.....reviewing the night to the T.....I never said I was right.....but he never said he was in the wrong .....Suspension is what I serve.....topped with some defamation to my character....nothing new..... and he still skates on.....right is right and whats wrong is wrong....but yet only one serves the that's a little ucked fup......

So do I stay or do I leave ....I guess only time will tell.....we will see....but my morality is something that is not for sale.....never has and never will be....

Much Derby Love,
my derby sistas,