Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hi..i'm clumsy...

So yeah..my mom always says I could trip over a blade of grass. A shadow of a blade of grass actually.

Really, I tripped over the cat, with no knee pads. So I am hobbling around with a knee brace. To add insult to injury, when I was cleaning out the warehouse, I walked over this grinder thing..cleared it..no problem. I tripped over it's cord.

So I hobble.

I have been working really hard on my skating, super hard..I think harder than I ever have in 2.5 years..and I always seem to go down on the same knee. So every time I do a fall, despite the thickness of the memory foam on my 187 knee pads. I still feel it on that knee. By the end of the night..my knee is half a volleyball sized..and I can barely walk the next day..


Hell if I know..

Here's my next great injury...and you will love this one.LOVE IT!!!

Yanno when your laying on your back, and you have your skates in the air and you rotate your ankles to loosen them up. Well I felt my left ankle lock up, and I didn't try to push it through, I went back the other way. I continued on for the rest of the night, it was a bit tender. I got home, took some ibuprofen and went to bed. By the next morning it was this huge swollen throbbing mess and I was unable to walk on it.

Yep.. I sprained my ankle..while not even on it.

I got crutches and everything. Ankle wrapped, knee brace, crutches. I am the epitome of sexiness..let me tell you.

It's worth it though. I am making great progress for once, because I dont have to do other crap before I can tend to my own skating. I met some great chicks, and I got my friends that came with me.

Something I wanted to mention..

Derby Drama, we all have it, we all see it. It may be ours, theirs, or people we don't even knows. I see it all the time on the group lists, I see it on other teams facebooks and myspaces..but I am gonna say this..

I saw something today that really bothered me.

Trash talking is going to happen. When people get mad, they say things they regret. Most times, I know in my case anyway, I want to take back things I say when I am mad..but whats done is done. Name calling happens, harsh words are spoken..lots of "fuck you" and "bitch" and "go fuck yourself" Respect is often lost, and won in these fights..

But I want every single one of us to take this message to heart..this is just derby. Rollerskates. Skating Fast, Turning Left..Looking cool. It doesn't define who we are as people, and what kind of person we are in the rest of our life out of our skates.

So what did I read that bothered me? "I say you need fucking therapy... you sick in the fucking head! Go blow your head off and reincarnate yourself as a REAL HUMAN BEING"

I am shocked I even read that. Never in any derby tiff have I been in, have I ever felt the need to tell somebody to go commit suicide. Nor have I ever heard anybody I greatly respect say something like that either.

This is derby. To suggest someone kill themselves over derby,not only reeks of the author being sick in the head as well, but needing therapy themselves for suggesting such a thing.Derby is not worth your life, or suggesting someone end their life over it. It bothered me more that someone was capable of saying it, than I was worried about the person it was directed to. Any rational person saw it for what it was, and dismissed it. I saw it for what it was..I also saw the person who said it for what they were..it really made me sad for them. What possesses people to say such garbage?

I cannot possibly think of one incident in derby that would ever warrant telling another human being to go blow their own head off. Nothing of such momentous magnitude that warrants such actions.

Now I realize I am probably talking out my ass, and I have a select number of readers here, and most likely this wont ever reach the people who need this message the most..

But words wound people..and please, choose your words carefully.. and when choosing them..try to contain them to the context of the subject matter at hand. Don't cross the line. And that statement..crosses all moral and ethical lines..

People make me so sad sometimes.

As for me..I have become one of "those people". I am wearing my Team Jacob shirt, my wolfpack bracelet, and sparkly eyeshadow. Yes.. I am going to see Eclipse.. mucho mucho grande excited..

BTW People..

The GCRG's fierce Hurricane Belle's and their lovely Lafitte's Ladies are not only proud to present, but also participate in The Battle For Independence, with our sister leagues, the Cen-Tex Sirens from Temple Texas, and The Brass Knuckle Brawlers from H.A.R.D of Corpus Christi Texas.
A portion of the door proceeds will be donated to Surfer Girl of South Side Roller Derby of Pearland Texas who just tragically lost her son Dustin..

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

To everything there is a season..

I am not a particularly religious person, other than being Irish Catholic..but tonight I found myself so conflicted over something ..I turned to my dear friend Peg again for counseling..

She gave me this..

Ecclesiastes 3
There's a Right Time for Everything

There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

It's troubled me greatly, the way things have transpired. It's also troubled me the things, that people I once held in such high regard, have taken to saying/posting about me, sometimes based on conjecture, sometimes based on fact,sometimes based on their own perceived notions, and how they have their mindset already,sometimes just twisted facts and on occasion a fantastic combination of all of the above...and it bothers me how I have reacted to these things....it doesn't make me proud of myself at all..

There is a season for everything. Some people are meant to be your friend forever, and some people are meant to be your friend for only a season..and when that season is over.. so is the friendship. It doesn't matter if they are your friend for their own purposes, or your their friend for your own purposes, when the seasons change, your left empty, but a valuable lesson learned. You are forever enriched by having them in your life, if even for that brief season of your life.

I've reached the point of "I want a few close friends and the rest can go on their way" -because I don't "NEED" people anymore.I know who I am. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and while I like some people, a great deal of em actually.. I've learned that I want people of integrity and quality in my life,and the others - are my "acquaintances", not friends.

Friends, true friends, people who truly know you, at your very core, and know who you are, and what you stand for..wouldn't resort to caving into the "mob mentality".The "mob mentality" is just that..people often do and believe things merely because many other people directly surrounding them, do and believe the same things,"the probability of any individual adopting it increasing with the proportion who have already done so". As more people come to believe in something, even if it is hearsay,causes others to also "hop on the bandwagon" regardless of the underlying evidence. The tendency to follow the actions or beliefs of others can occur because individuals directly prefer to conform, to fit in with the people they are surrounded by."Mob Mentality" will quickly form when people decide to ignore their personal information signals (intuition, gut instinct) and follow the behavior of others.Actually,"jump on the bandwagon" is now used as a derogatory term, implying that people are associating themselves with the anticipated success without considering what they associated themselves with.

Conversely,because it's bothered me so much, the things that people that have recently referred to me as their friend, have taken to saying, my sharp tongue lashes out with intent to kill...out of hurt...It saddens me that women I once enjoyed a great rapport with..slowly change due to their prolonged exposure to the "mob mentality". They are in the "Let's Attack!" phase. They use the trash talking as a way to bond with each other.

But what happens when there is no longer a "me" to trash? The "mob" will need a new target. If I wasn't safe.. nobody is. It's just a matter of time before the seasons change again.Keep in mind, your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even truly know you, but they think they do.Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness,ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!!Those who gossip with you will gossip about you !!

If a person can't stand up and say.. "look, this is wrong,you may have had a problem with so and so for this or that,but that's between ya'll, keep it that way and talk to them about it.. but as for me, I don't, and don't drag me in it!" Then you don't need that kind of person in your life. It comes down to a question of what kind of character do you have. Do you follow the current cool kids du jour, or do you make a stand?

Ultimately,you have to behave by whatever your set of ethics is. Do as your conscience dictates.

Tell me - if two people are wrestling in the mud - who comes out cleanest? Neither.Both get covered in mud.But sometimes - you just walk away and let the other person stand in the mud puddle yelling at you. The thing is - its normal to want to hurt someone back when they hurt you. I am the Queen of this, I even have a crown.I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.Sometimes when I'm angry, and I have the right to be angry, it doesn't give me the right to be an asshole. One of my worst faults is, (aside from shooting off my mouth when someone has hurt me..)..When someone tells me something about myself it can be hard to hear...my initial reaction is to want to say, "yeah..but you do this..". The thing is...when I do that, I don't address my own behavior. In every criticism,there is always at least of nugget of truth I can take from it,sometimes I have to dig a bit.. and sometimes.. its a huge chunk..

Drama. That is yet another grossly over used word. Look at what drama has given us - plays, TV, movies. Drama is part of life. Drama itself is not "bad" - it is how drama is used that is bad. How it is processed and presented. Or how you perceive it yourself.In the future, ask yourselves, whenever you see someone behaving in what you perceive as drama, before you write them off..what could possibly cause them to behave like that? What's the core issue that started it? Many times, what is perceived as "drama" is merely a reaction to other peoples poorly thought out actions or words. Or even other peoples lack of action, (This goes back to thinking outside of the "mob mentality" and making a stand for what you think is right, or stating your opinion when something's wrong. Ignoring something doesn't make a problem go away, it exacerbates it.)..Those words or actions can wound, or hurt, or cause general hate or discontent...and reactions are normal. Hell, sometimes what your seeing is just somebody doing a little house cleaning, a little taking care of business. That's what happens when your in charge, your left with the crap jobs nobody else wants to do..or you have to make decisions that cause controversy...and if and when it all goes belly up..guess who's in the line of fire...the girl who had to do the housecleaning. The girl who had to make the hard decisions. Life is not all stars and lobsters.If something's amazing, it won't be easy. If it's easy, it won't be amazing. If it's worth it, don't give up. If you give up, then you were not worthy.

All I know is, I have to live by the standards I've set for myself - but I can't expect others to live by my standards.It's ludicrous to expect people to..

True friends, can always work out their issues,reach out and try to right a wrong or talk about things before it erupts in a negative fashion,they don't turn their back on each other. They also don't let foolish pride stand in the way..

True friends don't jump on the bandwagon to be accepted..they don't rag on people just because it's the thing to do. They don't perpetuate the discontent... they don't keep slinging mud just to have something to say, to try to endear themselves to the rest of the "Mob", to bond with them..nobody is impressed, and it really just shows your true nature.

If you encounter people like that in your life,then they really can't fall in the true friend category.

To everything there is a season...

The Season has changed..it's time to put this chapter away, take what I have learned from it and shape it into a useful lesson to remind myself of how far I have come, and how far I have left to go, and thank the stars for my good fortune of the friends who have so staunchly stood by me,picked me up by my skate laces and dusted my knee pads off and accepted me for me, faults and all..and loved me for it..and to never again let those who didn't, bother me with their reproaches,and unkind words.. because I am still the same person I was 3 weeks ago.The girl you greeted warmly, and smiled and joked with... Just because certain people have decided they don't like me anymore or even find a reason to find fault with a decision that was made and then yet others decide to go follow "the mob".. doesn't mean I have changed, grown horns and a pointed tail, and suddenly started dancing in the moonlight with a goat. You don't contract "the plague" simply from knowing me...

"A right time to hold on and another to let go,"

I am letting go.

But holding on fast, tight and hard to derby....

Look for a BIG announcement shortly...about a massive multi group effort!!! I FRIKKIN LOVE ROLLER DERBY!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

WoW !!!! Its been too Long!!!!

wow i feel like its been forever.....and it has.....funny how things work out...or don't for that matter.....many doors may close along the way......just keep an eye out for the ones that have yet to -open- your eyes to the -truth- will set you -free- yourself before you can free -others- will -judge- me no more......you figure it out!!!!

rollerderby has broke my heart more than anyone and anything....half of that is my fault thinking that things will be different ......but they never are.....the politics in derby is what creates a messy situation.....you just have to find a way to be able to distance yourself and not take things personally......its so hard because we put our full hearts into everything we do especially derby and yet the cheese stands alone......

people you must realize sometimes you have to brake the rules in order to remind people there are rules to be broken......never never never make anything a priority if there only going to treat you as an option!!!!! rollergirls we are a dying breed.....the true derby girls that sacrifice there time .......not to mention our hearts......

I pledge my everything to create a world for true rollergirls to skate free......to create a sisterhood among us......a sisterhood that can never be touched bi the outside influences......the gossip.......or the politics....... this sport has massive potential......its time to be treated as true athletes ladies.....its time to grab the bull bi its horns and then castrate it before it castrates you!!!! a lil karmas logic for you !!!!! no charge!!!!

I absolutely tip my hats off to all the ladies that are in it for a productive reason.....not the wanna Be's ... i just want to let you ladies know i love you for your everything...... and keep your head up .....when all else fails take a deep breath and step back for a moment if need be.....don't push the inevitable.....never feed into the negativity and greed that goes with the false power bull shiznet....

much derby love

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Is this thing on?

I forgot last week..

By the looks of things..people been forgetting this blog alot.

I am dying to know how Karma's situation worked out, How's La Mort doin'?


As for us.. we got some sponsors. YAY!!

And Friday is my birthday, and we head off, we being the girls of GCRG, and our Coach and some refs, and our new Free Agent skater we picked up..to AUSTIN!

We are doing a banked track workshop with the ladies of TXRD. Yeah, those chicks from the A & E Series Rollergirls, The Documentary Hell on Wheels, and Whip It.. (well sorta where Whip It is concerned)

We are so excited we could scream....

Look for pics next week!!!