jealousy is my LEAST FAVOURITE feeling. i'm aware of it, but can't control it. i know it's bad, but i can do very little about it, i HATE feeling not in control of myself and i feel all gnarled up and queasy inside like the bad guy looks in movies like Sin City and Lord of the Rings.
right now i'm jealous of another league in my dear city who are putting on a bout in the city tomorrow night, and not a half hour or forty five minute drive away in the sticks at all, like every other bout that's happened in Brisbane. in fact this bout is happening a TEN MINUTE WALK from my house. i could jog there to warm up, forget my mouthguard, jog back and still be kickin it convenience-wise.
it's a bit of a sore spot. they are going to have a massive crowd and all of my friends will go because it's not very far away and then everyone will love them more than me and my league and they will become the rulers of the known universe. so the more i think this out as to how i can describe it to other people, the less shit i feel about it, because it is all actually inconsequential to SSRG. it is just the natural competitive nature of a naturally competitive girl, right?
i would like though to be really, genuinely hoping that it goes really well for them, because part of me hopes that it doesn't and that makes me feel like an a-hole, i guess because it sort of makes me one. but i'm being honest. i could go on about histories and past bouts and a whole lot of bullshit about why my league should be the ones in the city getting all the attention, but none of it matters, and it pretty much all boils down to my angry little ego.
so with any luck when i make my Go Raspberry Bullets! and Go Bonnie Bang Bang! signs and put on my most uncomfortable shoes, which i can totally get away with on the TEN MINUTE WALK and resentfully pay my regular pleb ticket price and get in there with the rest of the crowd, the derby buzz will take over and i will scream "POWERJAM!!!" like the maniac that i am, and try to start Mexican waves and heckle the refs and walk out really fucking happy that i can now watch my favourite sport, comin' to me live, only a TEN MINUTE WALK away from my house - just as i should be
...they might wanna hope they don't run into me in the carpark afterwards though
...not that i'll be waiting...
